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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26895493">Winter Blossom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agastopian/pseuds/Agastopian'>Agastopian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anbu Haruno Sakura, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:20:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,747</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26895493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agastopian/pseuds/Agastopian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The granite stone was both a memorial and the resting site for all those shinobi whose bodies were unable to be retrieved in the line of duty and Kakashi found himself standing in front of it. He carefully folded in his legs underneath him and placed the flowers respectfully at the base of the statue. "Sakura, it's been a long time." Deals with PTSD, torture, mature themes</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="xcontrast">
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <p></p>
    <div><p><strong>Winter Blossom</strong></p>
<p><strong>Summary:</strong> The granite stone was both a memorial and the resting site for all those shinobi whose bodies were unable to be retrieved in the line of duty and Kakashi found himself standing in front of it. He carefully folded in his legs underneath him and placed the flowers respectfully at the base of the statue. "<em>Sakura, it's been a long time."</em></p>
<p><strong>Author's Note: </strong>So this is a little side project storyline I thought of and couldn't shake. I just had so many ideas running through my mind about this story and I really, really wanted to get the basics of this story out there to get a feel for if people would find it interesting enough to continue. At the moment, I'm more focused on my other story "Hidden Fruit" but I will be slowly adding to this one over time. This story will deal heavily with issues of rape, PTSD, and trauma so if these are topics you'd rather avoid, please consider a different story to read.</p>
<p>Also I do not own Naruto.</p>
<p>XXXXXXXX</p>
<p>"<em>Hound-taichou," A lithe slip of a woman appeared next to the cloaked figure, her presence only made known a few seconds before her appearance. "Target sighted within the encampment."</em></p>
<p>"<em>Hai. Proceed with phase two, Doe-san." The masked individuals phased out of view, dispersing in their individual directions.</em></p>
<p><em>As if Kami herself was bringing down her own hand the sky split open and a thick jagged bolt of lightning bore down on the enemy encampment and the ground opened up beneath them sinking their tents. The two masked individuals appeared on opposing sides, each initiating more complimenting attacks, their hands moving at impossible speeds.</em></p>
<p><em>The initial attack was meant to eliminate at least half the forces, however, their opponents were not as ill-prepared as the intel had previously suggested, and many escaped unscathed.</em></p>
<p>'<em>Hound' unleashed a volley of lightning style jutsu, easily cutting down several of the lower class rogue nin in his path but found he was pushed back by a pair of jonin-class shinobi and forced into a battle of taijutsu and kendo. Metal clashed against metal, blood spilled to the earth, the ground hungrily soaking it in. The realization that this mission was a failure was beginning to dawn on the ANBU captain.</em></p>
<p>'<em>Doe' was not faring well either and she too was forced into a battle of taijutsu; her chakra enhanced strength allowing her to disable those unfortunate to cross her path. "Fuck." She muttered, her arms and forearms taking the brunt of the damage from a barrage of kunai and shuriken.</em></p>
<p>"<em>Doe, retreat!" ANBU may be an elite class of shinobi but even they had limitations and in this case, they were wholly unprepared to complete this mission.</em></p>
<p><em>Obediently, the smaller woman turned to retreat into the woods after laying down a simple diversionary genjutsu and began following after the captain. Their enemies were immediately behind them and a barrage of senbon hurled at the two, landing mostly into the fleeing kunoichi's back who crumpled as her nerves and chakra channels were blocked.</em></p>
<p><em>The captain turned his head in time to see his partner land heavily to the ground, unmoving and the enemy ninja converged on her. He flung himself towards a branch, using his momentum to swing back towards the group and towards his fallen comrade.</em></p>
<p><em>Her mask had cracked on the impact of her fall, leaving her face exposed and she mustered all her strength to raise her emerald gaze to meet the Captains. "Go!" She croaked, her eyes pleading with him to escape while he still had the capabilities. Her eyes slammed shut as a tanto pierced through her shoulder, pinning her into the ground. The rogue shinobi were on her quickly and several more advanced towards the Captain who sent one last look at his fallen comrade. The blood loss was severe, her breathing slowing, she would be dead in minutes.</em></p>
<p>Kakashi jolted awake, his heart raced inside his chest and thick beads of sweat fell down his half-naked, heaving form. He buried his silver-haired head in his hands, trying to shake the memories that plagued his dreams.</p>
<p><em>In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash.</em></p>
<p>His own words taunted him, reminding him every second of his failures. Mismatched onyx and crimson eyes glanced over at the clock; 0330. There was no way he'd be able to sleep any longer, not with her memory so freshly engraved in his mind.</p>
<p><em>Today is the day. </em>Kakashi ran a hand through damp silver locks, sighing heavily as he moved to get up. <em>It's been one year already.</em></p>
<p>A cold shower cut through his thoughts providing him only a few minutes of distraction before his body adjusted and his mind drew up images of his pink-haired comrade laying in a pool of her own blood.</p>
<p>Every night, she terrorized his dreams, and every day she besieged his thoughts. On every day off he could manage, he would sit with her at the memorial stone, begging for forgiveness, pleading her to rest in peace.</p>
<p>He turned the shower temperature dial sharply to the opposite side, the water turning into a scalding torrent of punishment. Paled skin turned angry and scarlet, save for the areas of scars that littered his back; they would always be pale and raised.</p>
<p>Kakashi waited till the water turned cold again before turning off the stream of water. No doubt his landlord would not appreciate the frivolous water usage but he didn't care. He quickly dried his body haphazardly before pulling on a long sleeve black shirt and a pair of black shinobi sweatpants to match. His mask and hitai-ate were the last to complete his ensemble. Today, he would forgo his weapons and the perverted book that he knew she hated.</p>
<p>The silver-haired man shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders and back hunched in slightly more than usual. Kakashi was glad that it was still extremely early and the streets were deserted save for the odd stray animal here or there. He let his feet guide him on his familiar journey and was soon in front of a dimly lit glass storefront.</p>
<p><em>Tap. Tap.</em></p>
<p>Blonde hair moved from behind an aisle and he gave a sad smile at the figure who unlocked the door and let him up. "Good morning, Kakashi-San." The blonde said, stifling a yawn. "Your usual?"</p>
<p>"Yes please, Ino-san."</p>
<p>The busty blonde disappeared into the back for a moment before appearing with a small bundle and a modest bouquet of white hydrangeas. "Are you… visiting her again?" The blonde's voice was soft and tinged with sadness as she held out the two items.</p>
<p>"Hai." Kakashi managed fishing for Ryo to cover his purchases but Ino shook her head.</p>
<p>"Say hello to her for me." She smiled, though the only emotion portrayed was sadness and Kakashi nodded, bowing slightly and meandering away.</p>
<p>Everywhere were people who reminded him of her, who looked at him with sad eyes and sad smiles, their own heartache over the loss of their friend. They would never know the guilt he had locked away in his heart, the pain and suffering he endured over watching the life fade from her and reliving it every day. It was Rin all over again, but this time, it was someone who'd been with him for many more years than he had worked with the brunette medic.</p>
<p>His feet once more took the lead while his mind was plagued with the similarities between Rin and Sakura, their expertise in medical ninjutsu, their affinities for unending and unshakeable love for their teammates, and their untimely demises, both of which the common factor was him.</p>
<p>By the time he had reached his destination, azure skies were tainted with beams of orange light as the sun kissed the night sky goodbye. The granite stone was both a memorial and the resting site for all those shinobi whose bodies were unable to be retrieved in the line of duty and Kakashi found himself standing in front of it. He carefully folded in his legs underneath him and placed the flowers respectfully at the base of the statue. "Sakura, it's been a long time." He muttered, his voice wavering ever so slightly. He had never known how to start off their conversations. Nothing he said ever felt <em>right.</em></p>
<p>"I know you hate pink, so I hope white is alright." He offered, trying to joke about his choice in floral arrangements. He tugged at the strings holding the other package together. "Oh, Ino says hi. She put together your flowers, obviously." The paper fell away from the box in Kakashi's lap and he pulled out a bottle of sake and two glasses, pouring one for himself and another for his fallen comrade.</p>
<p>"Naruto's been busy as the Hokage, I don't imagine he's come to see you often as he'd like." He paused as if awaiting a response. "I think you'd be really proud of him. He takes it more seriously than even Tsunade." He chuckled lightly, though there was no happiness in it.</p>
<p>"Sasuke's gone again. Probably won't be back for another three years." Silence.</p>
<p>The small talk continued into the afternoon, his voice cracking every so often. At one point, a chunin team had approached the rock but retreated when they saw his form hunched there. It was no secret he visited often and stayed late.</p>
<p>"Sakura…" His voice faltered and he cleared his throat before continuing softly. "I'm so sorry… I wish… I wish it was me. I would give anything, anything to change places with you. I left you, I'm worse than trash." Mismatched eyes closed, he inhaled through his nose and exhaled faintly through his mouth before opening his eyes again.</p>
<p>"I'll come to see you soon. I promise."</p>
<p><strong>Author's Note: </strong><em>Please let me know how you like the story so far. This first chapter is a bit short but again, this is just laying down the basis for what's to come in the next few chapters. All reviews are greatly appreciated! </em></p>
<p><em><br/></em></p>
<p><span><em>I'm cross-posting this story here, as well as on my Fan-Fiction account. The username is the same so if you prefer one platform to another you have a choice!</em></span></p></div>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> Please Read! This story is turning out a lot darker than I originally anticipated and I quite honestly struggled a bit writing it but I feel like a lot of the anime and the FanFics I've been reading have really skirted around the darker aspects of the ninja life. I wanted to showcase the horrors behind the curtains as well as learn more about PTSD and related therapies for personal reasons. That being said. I will not ever be writing graphic rape scenes. I might say it happened or elude to it but I can't and won't write that kind of stuff.</p><p>I'm actually really hesitating to put this out, if I'm being really honest. If the feedback is mostly negative, I'll take it down posthaste.</p><p>Now that that is said and done, please pay attention to the warning below. I really don't want people to be uncomfortable with my writing subject so if this is not a topic you can handle reading about, don't read it.</p><p>
  <strong>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>TRIGGER WARNING</strong>
</p><p>X</p><p>There was a stirring among the ANBU operatives. No one expected to see a ghost of the past there in the damp holding cells of a rogue nin encampment. No one expected to hear the rattled breath of said ghost on the cusp of death.</p><p>In the center of the room, hanging from the ceiling shackled in chakra suppressant chains hung the naked, atrophied body of a vaguely familiar young woman. Her shoulders were disjointed, likely from the prolonged hanging on her body. Bony protrusions poked out against taunt, translucent skin and thin, dehydrated veins could easily be seen just under the surface. From the top of her head to the soles of her feet were wounds in various stages of healing ranging from open with dried blood to old scars that were beginning to turn into jagged pink lines. The angriest of the scars reached from her sternum down through her navel to the crest of her pubic bone.</p><p>The onlookers were not usually perturbed with such sights, but what stalled their movements was the hint of pink tresses beneath what was likely many, many layers of dirt and debris.</p><p>One of the masked individuals darted forward, black katana unsheathed in a fluid movement and the chains breaking in another controlled swing. Before the woman could fall and shatter against the cobblestone, she was cradled in her rescuers arms. Even still, she hardly moved, her jade eyes, though open, seemed unseeing, and her face was as blank as the ANBU operatives' masks.</p><p>"Send ahead for medics at the gate. Notify the Hokage." The masked individual ordered softly, shifting slightly to pull off his long black trench coat to hide the nakedness of the husk of a once formidable kunoichi.</p><p>X</p><p>Even as they quickly approached the gates, a small crowd was forming at the gates. The jinchuriki Hokage paced irritably at the gates with two bored looking guards, a few advisors at his side and the medic team was prepping the gurney for patient transport.</p><p>The ANBU agent gingerly laid out the woman, careful to keep her as unexposed as possible. For a second, time seemed to have frozen. A look of recognition and then confusion flashed in the Hokage's cerulean eyes. The guards at his side, snapped to attention, all wide-eyed and even Shikamaru, the guy who could see ten moves in the future, was stumped.</p><p>The medics froze for the briefest of moments before jumping into action, each working in tandem flawlessly as if reading each other's minds. One quickly found a viable vein, inserting a field IV while another hand prepped an intravenous normal saline solution to bolus on the trip to the hospital. The third individual was hurriedly doing a rapid assessment of all wounds, sent out an exploratory burst of chakra to scout any internal problems. "Pulse thready and rapid, respirations labored, tachypneic." He paused pressing a stethoscope to the concave chest and nodded grimly. "Lungs sound wet. Slow the bolus until we can get cardiac function tests done. Let's move." He ordered, the team taking off in a perfect show of teamwork.</p><p>The entire entourage of people at the gates were hot at their heels, the ANBU remaining easily to the side of the medic team, close enough to intervene if there was a problem but giving them a wide enough berth to maneuver and work without interference.</p><p>"Rat-san, Hound-san, report." The Hokage ordered, still staring intently at the skeletal woman on the gurney as they waited in the ER.</p><p>"Intel was good. The remaining members of the rogue ninja faction were at the location and were eliminated quickly. Upon investigating their encampment, an underground passage was found with her inside a cell. The other two members are finishing up information gathering and evidence destruction." Always straight to the point verbally. Naruto appreciated it. The written reports, no doubt, would be much more lengthy and tedious.</p><p>"Hai. Send for Kakashi Hatake, Lady Tsunade, and Ibiki Morino." The mask bobbed and the man disappeared in a cloud of smoke leaving his partner behind to watch the captive.</p><p>Naruto could hardly believe his eyes, even after processing this new information for the past thirty minutes. Nurses and doctors bustled in and out, taking vitals and rechecking, healing wounds as best could be done given the advanced age of many of them. <em>What the fuck did they do to you, Sakura?</em></p><p>X</p><p>
  <em>It had started off relatively easy. They just asked questions while her mangled body was healed. The medic treating her was definitely not on par with the medics of Konoha, but his skills were passable in the field. Still, she refused to speak a word. She could not, and would not, betray her precious people. That was her nindo.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first week was spent trying to gently coax information from her to no avail and she tried to mentally steel herself in preparation for the next phase. Information was more accurate with a gentle approach but if that didn't work, tactics would likely get more brutal and sadistic with time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was still hopeful there was a rescue party somewhere out there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That hope would not last.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With nothing to show for their soft approach, the psychological and physical torture began soon after, always followed by a quick visit from the medic who healed the worst of it, but never really took away the pain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had started with sleep deprivation. Bright fluorescent bulbs hummed constantly, warming the cold room ever so slightly, but made REM sleep near impossible. Even when she had finally felt on the verge of something akin to restful sleep, loud never ending music would blast through hidden speakers, jarring her awake.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ANBU had taught her many things and she carefully trained her expression to remain as impassive as possible, despite the growing despair inside of her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She leaned against the cold wall, gently rattling the thick chakra suppressant chains across the ground. There were few things she controlled here, and this tiny movement and soft sound were oddly comforting for a short while. She wouldn't have the energy for movement soon and so she relished the small things while she could.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It had seemed like weeks since she had slept properly. Time was all but a blur here. There were no visitors, no windows to track time. This was all by design.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fuinjutsu seal hidden beneath her tongue would keep most all of the highly confidential secrets locked away, but there was a wealth of knowledge inside of her brain to pick apart should they be able to break in. The next encounters, she reminded herself, would only be increasingly worse.</em>
</p><p>X</p><p>Four pairs of eyes stared disbelievingly at the skeletal figure strapped to the hospital bed. No one could have predicted this outcome. Of course, when she was taken, there were months of searching for her body, all of which were fruitless endeavors. Whoever had her corpse had probably already dissected its secrets and destroyed all evidence of it. At least, that was the conclusion that was drawn.</p><p>"But… I saw her… there was no way." Kakashi's heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces as he stared at the helpless figure in the bed.</p><p>Tsunade had switched into medic-mode, swiftly assessing the damages of her precious apprentice, eyes widening as her chakra probed the broken body.</p><p>Naruto stood as calmly as he could, though nothing would steady the anger in his heart. His knuckles were white as he clenched them at his side, teeth grating together. No, he wasn't mad at Kakashi, he was angry at the situation, of wanting to exact his revenge on the individuals responsible himself, though they'd long since been dispatched by ANBU.</p><p>The fourth individual stood in the shadows of a corner, quietly assessing the woman. This was Ibiki Morino, head of Torture and Interrogations. He had spearheaded her induction into elite ANBU ranks, trained her in all aspects of torture techniques, and had personally assigned her to her last assignment.</p><p>"Ibiki-san, thoughts?" Naruto disrupted the quiet man's ruminations.</p><p>"From her medical reports, it looks like old fashion Kiri interrogation techniques." He paused. "Though, this is my first time seeing someone still alive from the process." Naruto nodded, Tsunade still had her hands exploring the various wounds, minimizing as many scars as she could possibly treat.</p><p>"Recommendations." Naruto was in no mood for mincing words.</p><p>Ibiki hesitated. The woman before them was a friend to the current Hokage, apprentice to the former Hokage, and partner to the legendary Copy-Ninja; these were not people he wanted to piss off with his assessments. "She can't be trusted." He carefully avoided the glares boring into his forehead. "Inochi needs to be brought in to do a deep dive into her psyche. She'll need ANBU guards until we can assure she hasn't been compromised. The good news is that her Fūinjutsu seal is intact and still functioning so it's likely they never accessed top secret intel." He wanted to end on a slightly positive note for their sakes.</p><p>Naruto was not happy to hear the recs but he understood the necessity and had expected his advisor to advise the best course of action for the village, not his own personal feelings on the matter. He eyed Kakashi who had taken up residence in a chair pulled close to her bedside. His forehead was resting on a bony hand and Naruto thought he saw, for the briefest of moments, a tear.</p><p>"Ibiki, assign Genma and Raido to her detail. When she's cleared by Tsunade and the rest of the medical team, have Inoichi sent in to do her psyche evaluation." He was not optimistic in regards to that particular assessment. From the looks of her unconscious body, she had endured hell. Ibiki promptly disappeared from the room. "Tsunade, anything to add?"</p><p>Tsunade had many, many things to add but given the present company opted to give him a silent look that read 'talk later'. The medical report drawn up was far from completed and only took note of most of her external wounds, neglecting to report some of the internal trauma. Naruto nodded.</p><p>"Kakashi, go—"</p><p>"I'm staying here." The silver haired man strained out, his voice raspy and desperate. His onyx gaze never leaving the kunoichi's face.</p><p>Naruto raised a blonde eyebrow at the direct insubordination but he understood what Kakashi must be feeling. It was his partner, one he was forced to leave behind, something that tortured him every day since the incident. "Tsunade, stay with them until the ANBU team arrives and then report to me."</p><p>X</p><p>
  <em>Metal grinding against metal caused the exhausted kunoichi to flinch awake, her eyelids barely able to flutter open. She was tired but Kami damn it if she was going to give them the satisfaction of her admitting this weakness. "Ah, my new toy has awoken." A disembodied voice snickered, no doubt a result from a genjutsu to put her off kilter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"G'morning." She mumbled, trying to muster as much pep and sarcasm as she could in the words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A dark chuckle resonated through the small stone cell. "Ya know, I like your spirit. It's always fun to watch the strong ones fall."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sorry to disappoint you then." Her throat burned. When was the last time she had anything to quench her thirst?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The grinding stopped and slow, methodical footsteps approached her and a hooded figure squatted down to her level, flashing her a toothy smile. "We'll see about that." His hand shot forward, faster than her eyes could track, though she caught the glint of a blade before it sliced through her shirt down the middle catching skin as it went. His calloused hand was coiled around her neck, squeezing slightly before trailing down through the valley of her breasts, tracing the cut he had just made.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her body winced, though she tried desperately to contain the reaction, earning her a wicked grin. "See? Fun." He stripped away the rest of the shirt, eagerly slicing through the rest of her breast bindings. "Such a beautiful body. It's a shame really." Sakura's eyes closed, but her neck snapped to the side and her cheek stung. Did he just… slap her? "Keep your eyes open. I don't want you to miss a second of this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She slowly turned her head back, fiery jade eyes watching his every move as he stood and walked back to a small metal tray that had been wheeled into the room. No doubt, she thought, more instruments of torture.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With his back to her, she couldn't tell what tool he was grabbing next but she knew this was another fear tactic. Ibiki had taught her many things but it was another thing completely to be on the receiving end of things.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The man turned slowly, likely to try to escalate the anxiety of the moment, an intraosseous drill in one hand and a syringe with a cloudy white substance in the other. The drill Sakura had recognized instantly from her years under Tsunade's tutelage. It was an effective, if not brutal, way of introducing a patient to medications via the bones. It whirred to life in his hand a few times, taunting her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh don't worry, my dear; this part is only going to hurt a lot." His maniacal cackle filled the chamber and Sakura chortled slightly at the cartoonish image of an evil mastermind. This, however, only fueled the man's rage. Several more men sauntered into the room, grabbing at her extremities, spreading her tightly on the ground as the drill honed in on her shin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Whoops!" The man cheered gleefully, intentionally missing the cartilage and digging it into her calf muscle. Sakura's lips pursed as she clenched her jaw tightly, only a hiss escaped as the drill was withdrawn before viciously beginning again and again, each time skimming the bone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A scream escaped her and tears ran freely down her cheeks as the drill bit into the bone and a catheter was secured to the entrance wound. The syringe appeared now, her captor dangling it in front of her. "This, now this is my favorite part." He whispered into her ear before dragging the tip along her skin sending a scathing chill down her spine.</em>
</p><p>X</p><p>Sakura let out a soft whimper. She hadn't even known how long it had been since she had the energy to even make such a sound. Her fingers twitched across starch stiffened sheets and she winced when hands grabbed at hers. This only serves to further send pain ricocheting throughout her entire being. A low hiss escaped her lips; it had been a long time since she felt <em>anything</em> and now she feels <em>everything</em>.</p><p>"Sakura," A low timbre voice cut through the pain like a katana. "You're safe now. You're in Konoha."</p><p><em>Hm, that sounds like Kaka-senpai.</em> She cracked open an eyelid and low and behold, a perfect replica of the man. <em>Genjutsu</em>. She thought, managing a snort. This was not the first time they had tried to lull her into this false sense of security and she was damned if she let this upgraded henge fuck with her. Her eyelids closed again and she turned her head away from the man at her side.</p><p>"I… I know you're probably so mad at me." Warm hands still encapsulated her own. "I know… I know you'll probably never forgive me. I don't know how to ever repay you." The man choked out.</p><p>Sakura let out a breath, controlling her reactions. She wouldn't let the enemy inside her mind. She had long since given up on the notion of rescue, resigned to a life of pain and misery. This short reprieve wouldn't last long, she was certain, and her captors would resort back to more inhumane techniques once more.</p><p>Even still, the husk of a man she once knew continued to talk, his thumb running gently over her knuckles. "I won't let anything bad happen to you."</p><p><em>Liar.</em> The thought was venomous but she knew in her heart of hearts that this man was an imposter. The real Kakashi would never sit at her bedside looking and sounding like a wounded puppy. Unconsciousness would beckon her soon, ending this cruel dream and lulling her into another one. She was sure of that.</p><p>X</p><p>
  <em>"Let's try this again." She had come to know them by their voices but not their names. This one was her main torturer, she nicknamed him 'Toothless', because when she got a hold of him, his perfectly straight rows of veneers were going to be smashed in. "Tell us about the Byakugan."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sakura looked at him, the fire in her eyes dimmed with every day, but she wouldn't satisfy him with an answer. The injection they had given her was causing her heart to race in her chest and sweat to bead at her forehead. It was designed to enhance sensations, she realized, making it a formidable torture tool. She'd have to talk to Ibiki when, if, she got home about implementing it in the TI department.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Four other bodies crowded the cell, once more holding her down, though she hadn't had the strength to fight in weeks. They gave her just enough food and water to keep her alive, and not a scrap more. Expending more energy by fighting would only put her closer to certain death.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The tip of a senbon nestled its way beneath a toenail and she let out a blood curdling scream. She felt like she could feel every nerve individually and as suddenly as it was there, it was gone. The reprieve was short and she had many more digits to torment.</em>
</p><p>X</p><p>Screams ripped through the frigid air of the Hospital and instantly the ANBU guards were on high alert as their charge thrashed violently against her leather restraints. Kakashi was on his feet, having just barely drifted to sleep, his hands reflexively reaching for a kunai. Her eyes were still closed but her face was screwed up in what looked like excruciating pain. Nurses poured into the room, quickly sedating the kunoichi with a few powerful tranquilizers. Her screams turned hoarse and tears streamed down her cheeks. Though her mouth was moving, words didn't come out, but Kakashi didn't need to hear the words to know what she was saying.</p><p>
  <em>Please, no! Stop! No!</em>
</p><p>Guilt gripped his heart, squeezing at the muscle until her screams died down and her body lay still.</p><p>Raido was the first to break the silence. "This is the fourth time she's had an episode."</p><p>Genma nodded his head, pursing his lips around a senbon that bobbed up and down. "Inoichi might be able to seal some things off once he's in there." His eyes wandered to Kakashi, who had barely slept in the four days since the kunoichi had gotten here. "Kakashi, you should go home and get some rest. You look like shit."</p><p>"No." His eyes never left the scarred face now resting soundly in the bed.</p><p>Genma just grunted in response and returned to his spot in a hard leather reclining chair. It was always eerie trying to sleep after one of these episodes, her blood curdling screams could easily put ones he's heard in the past to shame.</p><p>X</p><p>
  <em>Every day was a little harder to maintain her sanity, and when the door opened and the metal tray rattled inside, she let her mind and body go blank. There was no point fighting the torture. It would happen regardless of what she did or said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Maa, Maa, Sakura-chan, stay with me." Toothless' voice beckoned and she lifted her empty gaze to look at the man. "Much better." He purred, drawing in closer to her naked body. "How about today, you and I get to know each other?" His rough calloused hand reached up to caress a scabbed and scarred cheek, fingers tracing the wounds.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sakura fought a shudder. This was not the first time. Nor would it be the last. She would take one day at a time and lock it away inside her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She felt hands drifting lower, still seeking out her wounds with fascinated fingers. He was a sadist, she was quick to learn from earlier experiences, and would relish in the pain he would bring her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One day a time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She winced at his intrusion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One day at a time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A tear fell down her cheek.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One day at a time.</em>
</p><p>X</p><p>Sakura awoke with a start, her upper body jolting forward, heart hammering away inside her chest. Sleep was when her brain would process and replay terrible things. She was suddenly aware of how much energy she had felt, how things didn't hurt as bad, how she was still restrained but these restraints were softer and allowed for more movement.</p><p>And then she was aware of the three sets of eyes cautiously watching her. Two of the three individuals' hands hovered over a weapons pouch.</p><p>"Sakura."</p><p><em>Hm, still going with the genjutsu I see.</em> She mused.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" 'Kakashi' leaned forward as he posed his question but Sakura looked through him with a carefully constructed blank expression. "You were having nightmares last night."</p><p><em>Well that's nothing new.</em> Sakura thought bitterly. She remembered the memory with vivid high-definition clarity. She turned her vacant gaze to the other two individuals in the room, vaguely remembering them, but not enough to recall any names. They were still tensed next to the door, hands still hovering steadily over their weapons pouch.</p><p>"Do you want water?" The silver-haired imposter asked softly, hands already bringing a cup to her face. Emerald eyes flickered down, suspicion and resignation in her eyes. He coaxed the cup to her lips, allowing her to sip at the iced liquid. She sputtered slightly as too much water flowed into her throat and she gasped slightly for air before calming her breathing. "Sorry. I went too fast." The cup was gone, not that she cared. Even a sip of cold water was better than no water at all.</p><p>Sakura leaned back into the bed, noting idly that she could actually see the pink of her hair as it splayed out around her. That was a new tactic. Maybe if they'd let her shower earlier on, she'd have let slip some secrets. She snorted at herself. She'd have probably still refused to talk, but this cleanliness was a welcome change even if it was a fictionalized reality.</p><p>With her strength and wits rapidly returning to her, she had wanted to snap out a snarky response but it'd been a long time since she'd been able to speak. As a result from an errant torture session, her vocal cords had been partially severed and as a result, it was like she had a permanent sore throat, one that was exponentially more painful with vocalizations.</p><p>She lifted a bony hand, pressing her thumb and index finger together and bobbed it up and down slightly. It took a moment for the men to understand but soon she had a pencil and pad of paper in her hands.</p><p>They waited patiently as her hands shook and she furrowed her brow in concentration as the lead scratched against the parchment. Gingerly, she set the pencil down and rested her head back on the pillow with closed eyes. It seemed even these small movements were still taxing on her.</p><p>Kakashi leaned forward, curious to what she would write.</p><p>
  <em>'Just kill me'</em>
</p><p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> It's strange to say I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but I hope you appreciate (?) the path this story is going to take. As the story progresses there will be more flashbacks detailing some of her experiences and I hope that I can adequately capture the emotional and physical toll that trauma takes. I'll be taking some time between this chapter and the next to do more research into PTSD, trauma, and recovery.</p><p>Until next time,</p><p>Agastopian</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
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      <p><strong>Author's Note: </strong>Thank you everyone who read and reviewed the story so far. I know the last chapter was a lot to take in. When I originally went to write that chapter, I had meant to make this story relatively short with only a few parts. I'm now beginning to think I might have misjudged myself. I'm not sure now how long it will end up being. I hope that doesn't discourage you from reading it though! As always, I do not own Naruto.</p>
      <p>
        <strong>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A </strong>
        <strong>REASON</strong>
        <strong>.</strong>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>TRIGGER WARNING</strong>
      </p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>
        <em>Sakura let out a controlled hiss as pain rocketed through her body originating from the soles of her feet. This particular infliction of pain seemed to be her captor's favorite and she bore the scars to prove it. The kunoichi assumed it served multiple purposes; torture and prevented her from making any meaningful attempts at escape. Not that escape was physically possible for her at this point anyways. Her body was broken, disjointed, and exsanguinated to the point of ruin. Never again would her skin feel plush and velvety beneath her fingertips. A vague corner of her mind wondered if anyone would ever want to touch her in a genuine intimate moment ever again. Unlikely.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>What has it been now? A month? Two? She hadn't a clue. In retrospect, she admonished herself for not trying to count meal deliveries or sessions of torture but in the end, those were too unreliable. In theory, she could go days without food, and some forms of torture she had been subjected to already involved social isolation.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>Her mind was brought back to focus by another jagged cut at her sole, this one traveling from between her toes to her heel. Each cut varied in depth and in length, tormenting her on multiple levels.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>And then, as quick as it had begun, the pain stopped, calloused hands retreating from her limp body.</em>
      </p>
      <p>"<em>You did good today, pinky!" Toothless cheered, wiping a bloodied kunai on his stained shirt. "Same time tomorrow, right?" He laughed for the both of them, hearty and with a surprising amount of warmth.</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>Sakura merely grunted, unable to respond past her aching vocal cords.</em>
      </p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Even after a week, Sakura's note still shocked Kakashi. It really shouldn't have. He had seen for himself the multitude of injuries littering her body. Every morning, she'd awaken, screaming herself hoarse until the hospital staff pharmacologically subdued her and the days were spent with her staring them down in complete silence. Even as nurses and doctors poked and prodded at wounds, she did not flinch, or react, or even seem to occupy her own skin.</p>
      <p>Faces would come and go, visiting with her, catching her up on the latest news and gossip and yet even as they spoke to her, she remained vacant-eyed. Every once in a while though, a lip would twitch or a gaze softened, especially when her guests were accompanied by children. Most people missed it, but Kakashi, who'd been at her side since she got there, could see the micro expressions.</p>
      <p>The rattling in her chest from a terrible case of pneumonia, likely from her damp environment and lack of proper nutrition, was slowly dwindling to the occasion hacking cough with the help of copious IV antibiotics and a carefully constructed diet. Tsunade came in, spoke at her for a few minutes, jotted down some words in her chart and stood to depart with a heavy sigh.</p>
      <p>"Inoichi will start daily sessions with you tomorrow under the supervision of a psychotherapist." She had directed it at Sakura, but more for the benefit of Kakashi. While it wasn't standard practice to discuss private medical affairs in front of others, this was an extenuating circumstance.</p>
      <p>Kakashi dug the heels of his palms into his eyes attempting to rub the exhaustion from them. He slept very little, always on edge for when Sakura's next episode would erupt.</p>
      <p>"Kakashi, you should go home." She turned to the man slouched in the chair. "It's not healthy to sit here and mope around. Don't you have some little old lady to help across the road or something?" It was a lame joke, an attempt to get a smile, a smirk, anything from the guilt-ridden man but it was rewarded with silence as it fell flat. She knew better than to expect him to leave though. "You boys keep an eye on him." She called over her shoulder to the two lounging ANBU agents and she left.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>"<em>Come now, Blossom. I'm not that bad of company?" Tears welled in her eyes unbidden at this point as the man brushed aside a few strands of hair, uncharacteristically gentle in his touch. "How about you keep me company tonight? It gets lonely here." His voice was soft, but his eyes were hungrily drinking in her broken body.</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>His hands dropped lower and salty tears began to fall now. No matter how dehydrated she might have been, they would always squeeze their way out.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>She let out a strangled sob unable to stop the inevitable.</em>
      </p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Inoichi stood at the foot of the bed, a doctor in long white robes at his side. "Sakura-san, I'll be using the mind transfer jutsu to assess any potential security risks." He always felt it was better for them to understand what exactly he was doing. They had gone through enough pain and trauma for him to just invade their private thoughts and memories without an explanation. "If I'm able to, I can try to seal off some memories, but it might not be possible… given the extent."</p>
      <p>"Wiping out an entire year of memories would also be counterproductive to progressing emotionally as well." The doctor added. Sakura's gaze drifted between the two idly.</p>
      <p>"Anyways, we'll be seeing you everyday for a while until we can sort through it all. We can always give you a day or two if you need to stop and process." The doctor nodded in agreement. "As I shift through your memories, you might feel some resurfacing. That's normal." Sakura affixed her gaze on Inoichi. He wouldn't like what he was to see.</p>
      <p>Kakashi hovered anxiously behind them. He had only left to eat, bath and shit at this point.</p>
      <p>"Kakashi-san, you will have to wait in the hall. Doctor-patient confidentiality." The doctor smiled though there was little warmth in it, likely a side effect from years dealing with trauma patients.</p>
      <p>Kakashi nodded, and rose from his chair to the hall. There was nothing he could do for her; not then and not now. And so, like before, he left her behind.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>The Yamanaka male had never quite seen a mindscape so inflamed before. The landscape was blackened, singed by a fire long extinguished and stretched for miles with nothing in sight in any direction. Hues of amber and vermillion stained the sky, scattered with gray wispy clouds. A slip of a figure materialized beside him and he was surprised to see the pink haired kunoichi standing at his side, quite docile.</p>
      <p>"This emptiness, is it a result of a seal?" Sakura looked at him with searching eyes. "It's my best guess, but I'm not a master of seals." Inochi continued to muse. "And since you are the only thing in here, I would assume you <em>are</em> the seal."</p>
      <p>Emerald eyes simply watched him, giving away nothing.</p>
      <p>"Ino has told me once of your Inner. A rather unique phenomenon I've never quite seen before." He looked at her. "Would you be Sakura's Inner?"</p>
      <p>At her silence, he nodded. "Well then, if you are her, guarding her mind, would you mind showing me what happened the day you were captured? We need to make sure you weren't compromised during your extended absence."</p>
      <p>The scenery began to melt around them, fading away into an inky expanse.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>
        <em>The pain erupting from her shoulder was unbearable, with every small movement, the blade tore into muscle bone just a little more. Her vision was beginning to spot, lack of blood supply making her faint. She hardly felt the bodies piled on top of her, nor when they had hauled her up either.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>One moment it was all black, and the next, a blue light was beckoning her forth. She had responded, taking steps forward into the light and then suddenly, she was back in darkness, though this was a much more sinister kind. This darkness was colder, rougher, than the warm all consuming one from moments ago.</em>
      </p>
      <p>"<em>Ah, Haruno-san, I was unsure if I'd be able to resuscitate you. Your wounds were quite substantial."</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>Sakura strained against unsympathetic chains.</em>
      </p>
      <p>"<em>I wouldn't try that." The voice cautioned, drawing her sharp eyes to a lean male standing at her side. His brown eyes were soft and from the looks of him, he was not a fighter. His body that wasn't hardened or scarred like shinobis' bodies should be. "You'll open your wounds again. For now, rest." A glowing blue fingertip pressed against her temple and the warm darkness swallowed her whole.</em></p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Inochi took an instinctive step back after returning his consciousness to his own body. He had long since mastered remaining upright while the jutsu worked, but it was always jarring to step back into his own skin.</p>
      <p>"How was the mindscape?" The doctor was straight to business as always. They had worked closely together over the years and had developed their own distinct psych eval forms to fit the Yamanaka jutsu.</p>
      <p>"It was unique; empty charred field, red skies. No doors, buildings, boxes for miles. It was peculiar though, Sakura was in it."</p>
      <p>The doctor piqued a carefully trimmed brown eyebrow as he scribbled furiously on the forms. "Were you able to glean any information?"</p>
      <p>Inoichi pursed his lips. "It seems the Inner Sakura is the gatekeeper to the memories. She allowed me to see one of the memories from the time of her capture." It wasn't much at all; she'd spent a majority of her beginning times under enemy care unconscious.</p>
      <p>"Ah, let's return to my office then. We'll discuss specifics there."</p>
      <p>Inoichi nodded and turned to Sakura who was watching him carefully. He did a slight bow. "Thank you very much, Sakura-san, for showing me your memory."</p>
      <p>Sakura's jade eyes grazed over the man, acknowledging nothing and so the two men took their leave, whispering in hushed tones as they disappeared outside of her room.</p>
      <p>Kakashi had returned promptly upon the exit of the other two immediately and she suddenly felt very exposed for the first time in a long time. Not only had a memory been exposed but the thin teal patterned hospital gown was too big and the collar plunged dangerously low on her chest, revealing the top portion of her scarred breasts. She shifted uncomfortably, the restraints making it impossible for her to have any control over her coverings.</p>
      <p>As the silver haired man advanced on her, she felt her pulse ticking up, the monitor in the room reflecting the increase. Her jaw tightened, her breathing turned to anxious pants. He was within arms reach now and as his hand came up, her eyes clamped shut.</p>
      <p>She felt the scratchy material being tugged up and she fought a whimper. And then, nothing. There was no touching. No pain. Her eyes shot open. He had adjusted the gown to give her body some semblance of modesty.</p>
      <p>Kakashi took his seat diligently at her side though he looked worse for wear. Dark bags drooped under his guilt-ridden eyes, his hair uncharacteristically limp, clothing disheveled and wrinkled. Ever since the note, his guilt returned tenfold, eating at any semblance of peace he had left. After all, this was all a matter of his own doing. He could have stayed, he could have fought, he could have <em>tried</em>, for fucks' sake.</p>
      <p>But he hadn't.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>
        <em>Charred flesh was a smell that Sakura didn't think she'd ever forget, especially since it was her own. The little pink hairs at the nape of her neck stood on end as a red hot branding poker was aimed at her body having just been withdrawn from flames to begin another assault on her body.</em>
      </p>
      <p>"<em>Hmmm," The poker waved close enough to her body for it to feel the warmth it radiated as it traveled up and down her body, searching for a place to embed itself. "Shall we do a hand?" The poker tip brushing a palm. "Or perhaps a thigh?" It kissed the skin between her legs high enough for her to feel the heat near her sex. "Or maybe, your pretty little face? Mark it as mine forever." His voice purred into her ear, his body pressing into hers from behind.</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>Since her chains hung her from the middle of the room, he had access to virtually every inch of her body. His cold fingers brushed her lengthy hair over her shoulder, sending goosebumps traveling the length of her spine and he chuckled darkly at the reaction. Lips brushed against the back of her neck before searing pain replaced it within seconds.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>Screams erupted from her mouth as nerve endings were beginning to singe and then the metal was removed. The cold air soothed the new wound momentarily.</em>
      </p>
      <p>"<em>Ah, my dear, your voice is as lovely as always. Won't you scream for me again?"</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>Searing lava coursed through her veins as the metal connected once more on the skin overtop a protruding shoulder blame. Oh how she wanted to fight the shrieks that followed, but there was no energy for such resistance anymore.</em>
      </p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> I'd love to know what you all think of this chapter! I'm gonna be adding in some of my own thoughts as well down here and some clarifications to things, maybe a little explanation here or there.</p>
      <p>I thought Chapter 2 was going to be the end of the torture flashbacks, but I rather like how they break up the story line a little bit and give more insights to her trauma.</p>
      <p>This chapter, I wanted to take a step towards recovery. Sakura's first step was the revealing of one of her memories. To this end, I took the liberty of keeping Inoichi alive and well.</p>
      <p>Personally, I really liked the idea that 'Inner Sakura' was a gatekeeper to Sakura's memories. I know in the anime 'Inner' was more outspoken and loud, but I think the muted, serious version reflects who she became through everything.</p>
      <p>For all intents and purposes, I've decided randomly that Sakura is 30 years old and Kakashi is 44. She's accomplished enough to be in ANBU, matured in many ways. Her and Sasuke obviously never got together and she has no kids.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
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      <p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> Originally this chapter wasn't planned and I had a whole other chapter typed up and ready to go, but to everyone commented, thank you for your inspiration! I realized after getting a few comments that I really should dive into the minds of individuals so I've created this chapter to give some inside perspectives on the psyche of key characters. I hope it doesn't seem too out of place or off color from my previous writings. I do tend to write with inspiration from my own emotions so I'm well aware my writing style fluctuates a bit.</p>
      <p>
        <strong>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON.</strong>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>TRIGGER WARNING</strong>
      </p>
      <p>Again, Inoichi stood in the great burnt expanse of Sakura's mindscape, her doppelgänger standing at his side. Not much had changed in this arena, he noted, though he did feel as if there was a wavering mirage image of a tree some distance away from them. "Good morning, Sakura-San." He dipped his head slightly in a polite bow.</p>
      <p>Impassive emerald eyes watched the special jonin carefully, her face carefully arranged in a blank mask. The kunoichi said nothing at his greeting.</p>
      <p>"I wanted to thank you for the glimpse into your memories from last time." Inoichi began, maintaining eye contact with the Inner. It was difficult to gauge her blank looks. She gave a small nod, eyes unblinking. "I was hoping we'd have another chance at retrieving a few memories." Jade eyes darkened and narrowed in his direction. "You do not trust us yet."</p>
      <p>A perfectly trim eyebrow pique, silently answering..</p>
      <p>"If you don't trust us, then why show us a memory in the first place?"</p>
      <p>The pinkette kept her eyes on his, gazing harshly into his skull searching for her answers to questions unsaid. "You would not leave otherwise." She answered coldly, after a moment.</p>
      <p>"Ah, perhaps that is true." The blonde chuckled softly. Silence fell over the field afterwards. Clearly, the woman was not going to initiate any form of conversation. "So you can speak?"</p>
      <p>"Yes." Her answers were haltingly direct, information being her one possession. Giving it up was akin to losing her sole purpose.</p>
      <p>"And can Outer Sakura talk as well?"</p>
      <p>"Can, yes. Will she? Likely not."</p>
      <p><em>Interesting. She speaks as if they aren't one and the same. Make a note to bring it up with Riku.</em> "Is there a reason?"</p>
      <p>"Yes."</p>
      <p>Inoichi raised an eyebrow. This woman was not forthcoming at all, making his job and her release all the more tedious. "Will you tell me?"</p>
      <p>"No." Her arms folded under her busy in silent defiance.</p>
      <p>Ino has said the Inner she'd met all those years ago was a spit fire, loud and boisterous. This woman before him was defiant, yes, but not nearly as he'd pictured her. Could her mind maturing have this effect? Had Inner matured before or after her year of captivity? <em>More questions to add to the growing list.</em></p>
      <p>The two stood in silence, both regarding each other with seemingly penetrating gazes. It could've been minutes or hours that they stood in that manner, neither giving nor taking an inch. He could understand how she got many of her scars now; an unyielding taciturnity. Still, his purpose was to get her to yield and in this, he was determined to hold his position.</p>
      <p>"Your patience is impressive." He said at last, a small smirk on his face.</p>
      <p>"As is yours." She said apathetically, her eyes were half-lidded, corners of her lips downturned ever so slightly in mild annoyance.</p>
      <p>"I shall speak bluntly. You are in Konoha, whether you believe it or not. You won't be leaving the hospital or have any privileges unless you stick to the prescribed therapies, including this one." He thought he saw the traces of emotion in her eyes but as quick as it was there it was gone. "One way or another, we'll unseal the memories. Whether we do it by force is completely up to you." <em>Bluff.</em> They had no real understanding of Inner and how she worked, let alone trying to force open whatever kind of seal she was.</p>
      <p>"Then we shall see you try." Now Inoichi could see the full blown defiance gleaming in her eyes. The atmosphere turned dense, black smoke encroaching from all angles as the fields in the distance burned with newly lit sparks descending rapidly on their location. "Good bye, Inoichi." A malicious smile spread across her cheeks as the flames consumed her, swiftly working to him.</p>
      <p>
        <em>Fuck.</em>
      </p>
      <p>Inoichi swore under his breath, dispelling his jutsu but not before the blaze licked at the skin of his ankles. The blonde's soul snapped back into his body rather forcefully and he let out a hiss as he felt the searing pain spreading on his leg. Instinctively, he reached down to his ankle earning a quizzical glance from his doctor colleague as he examined the extremity. Nothing. No burnt skin, no charred clothing. Odd. The blonde frowned at his own lack of understanding.</p>
      <p>"Find out anything interesting?" Riku already had his pen poised above his notepad and Inoichi nodded before glancing at Sakura. Her eyes never left his. Whatever defiance that her Inner displayed was clearly not present on the outside.</p>
      <p>"Let's go back to the office and talk." Inoichi was already out the door, the doctor scurrying behind him to catch up.</p>
      <p>The two ANBU has watched the entire interaction, granted on the outside nothing seemed amiss. Until that is the few seconds after the mind swap jutsu was canceled and the Yamanaka practically recoiled in pain. Needless to say, that wasn't a normal experience and put the both of them on edge.</p>
      <p>It would be easy to underestimate the slip of a woman laying in the bed, her pink hair giving her this illusion of innocence. They'd seen her in action before in ANBU enough to be weary of her.</p>
      <p>Her jade eyes slipped to the sides, gauging them slightly with critical eyes. Of course she wanted to believe she was in Konoha, safe under her comrades' protection but she knew the trickery of genjutsu. She had, after all, been trained in many forms of advanced interrogations. Storing her chakra to dispel this genjutsu wasn't an option, chakra suppressant restraints were a bitch, so she'd have to wait to see their angle.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>"Could it be a case of dissociative identity disorder?" Riku's pen already scrawling across his pad jotting down little notes and theories.</p>
      <p>Inoichi shook his head at the brunette fixating his hard gaze to the odd pictures splayed across the doctor's office. Ink blots, hung like priceless art, mildly resembling certain feminine qualities were among the few possessions the doc had set up in his office.</p>
      <p>"Her psych evals going back years were all clean. They would have detected it prior to her joining ANBU."</p>
      <p>"Cannot rule out as a new presentation though."</p>
      <p>The Yamanaka pursed his lips, still dissecting the black and white photos. "No. My daughter vaguely spot of meeting this 'Inner Sakura' during their chunnin exams years ago."</p>
      <p>Without looking up, the doc drew hard lines through 'DID' and scrawled more notes haphazardly across the page.</p>
      <p>"Hm, a bloodline trait?"</p>
      <p>"The Harunos historically were a civilian merchant clan. Even still, her parents are long since deceased." He mildly remembered the pinkette spending weeks following their death at their house in a catatonic state, similar to now.</p>
      <p>Riku let out an irritated sigh. "A seal then? She has a sea from ANBU that Ibiki released. Could she have more?"</p>
      <p>"Mmmm," Inoichi narrowed his eyes slightly, his chin resting in his hands. "It's possible, though that would mean she's had it for years."</p>
      <p>"We'll have to consult a fuinjutsu expert to further examine that avenue."</p>
      <p>"Have you gotten anywhere with her psychiatric examines?"</p>
      <p>Riku frowned, stilling the pen before setting it down. "She won't talk, though Tsunade says she's capable with the reconstructive surgery they've done." The woman was most certainly not the first kunoichi to have PTSD, but she was an enigma in more ways than one. "We need a new tactic. She doesn't trust us and at this rate probably never will. You can't go back in the mindscape without risking <em>some kind</em> of injury and talk therapy is likely not going to go anywhere." He was tired, frustrated, and oh-so caffeine depleted.</p>
      <p>Inoichi nodded. He had a similar thought, only his was accompanied by the beginnings of a plan.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Kakashi found himself standing once more in front of the memorial stone, his hand running through his silver locks. Shame coursed through his body over his neglect to visit his friends with the recent resurrection of one of them. He tucked his lanky legs underneath him, hands resting on his ankles and elbows resting on his knees in a slouching but thoughtful pose. Who cared about his vertebrae anyways, it was comfortable.</p>
      <p>"I'm not sure what to do, how to be what she needs me to be." He didn't address any particular one of his deceased friends, whoever was listening would do.</p>
      <p>"She won't talk. She'll look at you but it's like you don't even register to her." He shifted and let out a hasty sigh. "I get it, on some level, I guess."</p>
      <p>Kakashi thought back to the bubblegum haired, tempestuous girl she once was. The righteous fury burning in her eyes, fists surging with indignation. And now, she was a husky. Her hair faded to a dull pastel pink, eyes nearly lifeless and hands so bony they could snap with little pressure.</p>
      <p>"I know she might never forgive me. I can live with that as long as…" Honestly, he wasn't even sure if he <em>could</em> live with it, but he wouldn't let that one slip to his friends. "I just need to make sure she's alright."</p>
      <p>Nature answered him, the hum of cicadas rising and falling to match the ebb and flow of the air through the leaves. It was a rare moment of clarity for him these past few weeks. Something about the fresh air circulating in his lungs, pumping new energy, new hope through his body. It was in these moments he felt Rin and Obito at his side.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Sakura had just woken, yet still exhaustion wracked her body. Hooded eyes opened, noting the slumbering form of her former sensei hunched in a chair and an ANBU dozing lightly in another. Her other warden was no doubt watching from the opposite corner of the room, a corner she was too tired to locate.</p>
      <p>Her gaze drifted to the clock. <em>0430</em>. It was a habit she had developed under Tsunade, reinforced at the hospital, and made unbreakable during her short tenure in ANBU. It had only taken her a few short weeks to align her circadian rhythm back up to the clock, though now she was wondering if that was a blessing or a curse. With nothing to concentrate her energy on, it seemed it slipped through her fingers.</p>
      <p>The pinkette closed her eyes. It would be shortly the nurses would begin the morning flurry: blood draws, diagnostic radiography, vitals, and assessments in quick succession. She should relish the peace of the moment, but her mind would not calm.</p>
      <p>Worry and panic laced every thought, though she was careful to arrange her features into a mask of indifference as she had been taught so many times. Her breathing was forcefully even and controlled, refusing to accelerate with the mounting anxieties in her mind. Muscles were coiled tightly beneath her skin, both from tension and wariness, as she mentally prepared herself.</p>
      <p>
        <em>A man can only be beaten in two ways: if he gives up or he dies.</em>
      </p>
      <p>Sakura mentally recited her mantra, trying desperately to find comfort in the fact that she has done neither of those things. Yet.</p>
      <p>She wanted to give up; so many times the thought that death would be a much easier escape than her current situation. Any attempts had thoroughly been thwarted though, the easy route was not exactly as easy as it was made out to be.</p>
      <p>The pinkette rotated her wrist inside her chakra suppressant cuffs, the leather rubbing uncomfortably over long vertical scars leading from wrist to inside of the elbow. After two months of torture and interrogation, finding the courage to attempt such a bold act was easy and the act even easier.</p>
      <p>Living was the hard part.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p>Fingertips brushed across the name of the medical file, before a large palm rest over the center of the Manila folder. He'd put off his duty to read the report for long enough. The blonde took a deep breath in through his nose and exhaled through clenched teeth. His stomach churned as his fingers found the edge of the cover and flipped it open.</p>
      <p>Cerulean eyes clenched shut, his stomach tying itself into knots at the images first and foremost present in the file. He was the Hokage, Kami damnit. He'd seen these files before, but never had it felt so personal before.</p>
      <p>He steeled his mind, still breathing through his disgust and opened his eyes.</p>
      <p>The first image was a full frontal picture of his teammate in the nude, conveniently placed little black boxes providing minimal privacy to her more intimate parts.</p>
      <p>From head to toe, he cataloged her injuries.</p>
      <p>A scar traced down her forehead, across the bridge of her nose before stopping on her left cheek. Little nicks and cuts littered her neck and collarbones. A long jagged scar traced down the center of her torso, thick and none too pretty. Small ringed blemishes littered the slight swell over her breasts, a wound that Tsunade noted to be remnants of teeth impressions. At the time the injuries were cataloged, the skin of her arms were black, blue and a sickly yellow and her forearms had more length scars down their width.<em> Self-inflicted</em>, it had been noted in the margins.</p>
      <p>Naruto's hand roughing rubbed at his chin in a rush of anger and shame.</p>
      <p>Her twig-like legs were also littered with scars closer to her groin and her shins held multiple round blights.</p>
      <p>Bile was beginning to rise in his esophagus. He flipped to the next image. This one was of her backside.</p>
      <p>What was once the flawless skin of a skilled medic-kunoichi was now a mess of scars and brands up and down the prominent bumps of her vertebrae. The scars continued down the length of her legs but Naruto could no longer focus; he didn't want to.</p>
      <p>He was pissed, red chakra sparking inside his stomach responding to his mood. He'd return to the report later, right now, he needed to destroy something.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> Eyyo, let me know what you all think about this chapter. I hope it helps you get some insights into the characters but I've provided my own little analysis below if you care to know my reasonings. I'd appreciate your comments or messages on what the story lacks; I will make every effort to ensure you are getting the angles you want!</p>
      <p>So I'm taking some liberties with the whole Inner Sakura deal. I'm well aware in the anime, she represents the repressed emotions of Sakura, but I feel like emotions and memories are so tightly connected, it just made sense for her to act in this sort of seal-like manner.</p>
      <p>Inoichi and Inner Sakura Don't seem to play well together, ne? I don't want to force the words out there, but I imagine Inner doesn't like his continual prodding and though she initially went along with him, there are some memories and emotions you wouldn't just open up to anyone.</p>
      <p>Riku is a dick; that is all. Kakashi, my poor damaged man; I wish I could help… Sakura, my beautiful trampled blossom, hang in there. It gets better, I think.</p>
      <p>I might be missing in action for a while, I promise to update when I can, if I can.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="xcontrast">
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      <p><strong>Author's Note:</strong> Thank you everyone for your patience! I've been writing and rewriting and I have alternate drafts for multiple chapters now because I'm just not quite satisfied with the way things were turning out but I think I've fleshed it out decently. Again, I'd love to know what you think and if you have any concerns or recognize any mistakes! I'm working hard to try to increase the lengths of my chapters but I seem to find myself naturally ending closer to 2,500 words but I'll try to make it up to you with a thoughtful and purposeful plotline!</p>
      <p>
        <strong>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON.</strong>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>TRIGGER WARNING</strong>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>X</strong>
      </p>
      <p>Kakashi may not have been privy to the details of her torture, but he was no idiot. He had seen the scars strewn across her skin, the terror in her face when she'd awaken, and how she withered under expectant touches. Whilst he was a captive once or twice before himself, there was a stark difference between the torture a kunoichi goes through versus their male counterpart.</p>
      <p>Mismatched eyes watched her carefully as she gazed out the hospital window seemingly unaware of his gaze. Her frame was beginning to fill out, muscles beginning to take shape beneath her discolored skin and her bones were slowly disappearing from view. She still moved with the grace that all kunoichi seemed to possess but her movements all seemed more demure and weary than previous, like she was constantly expecting an attack. She turned her head slightly to the side, catching his gaze and gave him a quizzical glance, before continuing her watch.</p>
      <p>He was acutely aware of how simple and yet profound this action was, in complete contrast to the shell shocked woman from several weeks ago. Her ever-present mask of indifference would slip occasionally and a small emotion would shine through, though not for long. He could only assume it was a defense mechanism, though not a very good one. One day, the mask would shatter as it had that day in the woods leaving her in pieces.</p>
      <p>Kakashi watched the fabric of the cotton gown rustle slightly, the back, though tied, peeked open revealing some of the burns up and down her spine. He vaguely could make out the omega symbol permanently affixed to her skin. She must have felt the breeze because a hand slipped back and pulled it closed again. It was painfully obvious she was uncomfortable with the amount of skin showing and he could practically feel the anxiousness that radiated from her.</p>
      <p>Briefly, he thought about getting her new clothes, seeing as how all of her worldly possessions were discarded after her 'death'. A small price to pay for his missteps in life.</p>
      <p>"Oye, do you think you could liven up this watch detail? Make a break for it or punch someone, some<em>thing</em>." Genma whined, pacing the room while his partner Raido rolled his eyes.</p>
      <p>The kunoichi sent an intentionally empty look at the special jonin before dropping back into her bed, the slight tremor in her legs the only hint to the reasoning behind her sudden change of position. Seems her muscles weren't quite used to the strain of movement yet.</p>
      <p>He knew for a fact that her progress was severely stalled at this point. As far as he could tell, Inoichi hadn't been doing his mind transfer jutsu; he'd be able to feel the subtle chakra spikes from his spot outside the door, and judging from the relative silence on the other side of it, they did little more than ask questions or make statements and get nothing in response.</p>
      <p>On some sick level, he was almost glad that her silence extended to everyone and not just himself.</p>
      <p>The kunoichi slunk back into her bed, thin sheets pulling up over her thin frame. Her eyes closed, her breathing intentionally level, which was odd because on first glance, one would assume she was sleeping but judging from her heart rate on the monitor, she was wide away.</p>
      <p>Would it be strange for him to say he had memorized her resting and awake vitals? Probably, but at least this way he could accurately tell if she was getting enough rest.</p>
      <p>He only wished he could understand exactly what she was doing. Meditating?</p>
      <p>
        <strong>X</strong>
      </p>
      <p>The quivering of her calf and thigh muscles was the first indicator she'd been standing there for far longer than was particularly acceptable. That and the unwavering gaze of her former sensei's eyes glued to her back, literally, seeing as how the chill slipped up her back, creating a zinging sensation through the tender brand marks. Her hand crept over her shoulder, pulling the fabric closed in the back.</p>
      <p>Had it not been for the sheer exhaustion of her meager ten minutes of silent observation, she'd have stayed there just to avoid whatever pity she could read in the room. But alas, she knew her limits and she turned to slip into her sheets.</p>
      <p>Sakura closed her emerald eyes, finding nothing particularly interesting to keep her gaze. Dancing blurry white ink blots behind her eyelids faded away slowly as she worked to concentrate her breathing to an even ten breaths per minute, optimum breathing rate for slipping seamlessly into her mindscape. In the pitch darkness, the seared landscape sprouted up around her and a presence appeared at her side. Inner was waiting for her.</p>
      <p><em>"You've been silent up top there."</em> Her Inner noted turning to face herself head on, though she didn't turn in to look at her other self.</p>
      <p>"There's nothing that needs to be said." She shrugged, adopting the moment of silence and intentionally not casting a gaze at herself. It was difficult to be face to face with your face, especially when it was so disfigured. She wasn't disgusted with herself, per se, it was that seeing the evidence of her life for the past year made it real. And that was not something she was feeling inclined to accept anytime soon.</p>
      <p>
        <em>"Ah, but you want to stay something. You can't lie to me."</em>
      </p>
      <p>Sakura didn't respond for a moment. "It doesn't matter what I want." She let her gaze drift over the dusky field. Inner's candor was both appreciated and at the same time wholly unwelcome.</p>
      <p>
        <em>"Hm, then why come to me?"</em>
      </p>
      <p>In truth, Sakura had no idea why she had come to this place again. Perhaps she was just so accustomed to her own company in the time she had been captured. Sakura shrugged and set the pace for a slow walk.</p>
      <p>
        <em>"Nostalgia, huh?"</em>
      </p>
      <p>"Maybe." Sakura conceded. The two continued to meander, the same scene repeating itself over and over again no matter how far or in which direction they walked. She found it oddly comforting to just walk with someone else even if in silence and even if that person was in fact herself.</p>
      <p>Here, the mask could slip, the emotions boil and broil in the relative safety of herself. It's part of what had most unnerved the pair of them in regards to the intrusion of someone else. She frowned to herself. Either she talked, and she found out the true extent of her vocal cord damage, or she let the Yamanaka poke around. Neither of those two options were very appealing, though she vaguely pondered the idea of simply writing her own memory diary of sorts.</p>
      <p>At some point, the oddly comforting scenery faded to black, Inner murmured a soft good night and unconsciousness took her.</p>
      <p>
        <strong>X</strong>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>Heavy lids peeled upward at the groan on the metal door opening. The ache of her disjointed shoulders jolting through her with her newfound consciousness.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>A dark chuckle reverberated off the walls, sinking deep in the pit of her chest. "My blossom, what are we going to do with you?" A pregnant pause filled the room, the only sound her labored breathing. Metal scraped across the stone floor and then stopped, a chair coming to rest in front of her. "You know, I honestly thought you were gonna break a long time ago." Rough hands scrapped across her cheek before grabbing her chin to direct her face up at him. "Women have so many weaknesses to exploit though. It's not your fault. It's biological."</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>His offensive breath brushed over her face. Had she the energy, she'd have grimaced. Lips skimmed over the shell of her ear, hot air caressing her neck. "Do you want to know women's greatest weakness?" He paused as if she was going to fill in the blanks. "Babies, don't you think?" He muttered, letting the simplicity of his words drive his unsaid threat. His hands dropped to his lap, leaning back into his seat as if having a casual chat with a friend. He waited for a moment for her to relent her silence. "I bet you would've made a great mother." The man rose from his seat, nodding to his shadow partner.</em>
      </p>
      <p><em>He could have goaded her more into speaking but it no longer was about mere information. It was the principle of the matter now. A sense of pride in one's work. No, this simple kunoichi would not get the best of him and his</em> talents. Slowly<em> bending her mind until it was slowly splinter and then one final little push to shatter her sanity.</em></p>
      <p>
        <em>The shadow man moved forward, a weapon unsheathed and without another word, the weapon buried itself into her lower abdomen near the near Hoarse screams echoed through the room, haunting the hallways before turning into heavy panting sobs. The blade twisted, maximizing internal damages before recoiling abruptly. Her body trembled, skin paling as crimson streaked down her sex, trailing down her legs.</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <em>"We'll break you, Blossom. It might not be today. Or tomorrow. But we'll get you to talk, one way or another."</em>
      </p>
      <p>
        <strong>X</strong>
      </p>
      <p>Sakura's body bolted upright, her breath coming out in strangled gasps as the memory suffocated her. A thin sheen of sweat blanketed her imperfect skin, saturating the bedding and her thin hospital gown. Her rampant heart beat slowed as her senses came back to her. The vividness of her memories with a distinct blur along the edges was like reliving it except the important details were smudge. Thin fingers ghosted across the evidence of her suffering, acutely aware of the twisting pain deep in her chest.</p>
      <p>She carefully schooled her features, ignoring the looks of her two wardens as she blinked back tears that had formed in her fitful sleep. She wanted to sink under the sheets, but that alone would be a sign of weakness so she willed her body to relax back into the damp sheets, her eyes sliding shut, though she wouldn't be going to sleep.</p>
      <p>"Yo." Sakura flinched unwillingly. Even with all of her senses engaged, she hadn't even detected his arrival. Intentionally leaving her eyes closed, she gave a small nod in greeting. She heard something rustling over top of her sheets and brush against her fingertips, digits twitching at the contact. "I thought we'd try for an outdoor excursion today." At that, the kunoichi opened her full jade eyes and a single eyebrow arched up in skepticism. "I thought you might like this better than wearing a hospital sheet outside."</p>
      <p>
        <em>Outside?</em>
      </p>
      <p>Genma and Raido were genuinely surprised at this, at least, that's the impression they gave as they shared a pointed look. Sakura's eyes never drifted from the single onyx orb as she slipped a hand inside the paper bag he'd placed at her side. The pads of her fingers skimmed lightly over a smooth cottony surface. Gingerly grabbing it, she pulled it out, now dropping her gaze to the material sprawled out on her lap: a black woman's cloak.</p>
      <p>"I have a wheelchair ready so, uh, whenever you're ready." He stood there awkwardly, running his hands through his hair sheepishly. Shopping for women's clothes was hard enough and for some reason, he cared more for her opinion of his choices than other people. Emerald eyes glanced back up at him, her fingers knotted in the cloth. Did he detect some kind of emotion behind those mossy orbs?</p>
      <p>Sakura gave a soft nod, briefly wondering where outside would be. She was fairly certain that, unless they had some S-rank genjutsu specialist, this was not an illusion of enemy creation; so why was she finding it so hard to trust those around her? They were her precious people.</p>
      <p><em>Precious people that all left you at some point.</em> The bitter thought flashed through her mind but she pushed it to the corner of her thoughts to sort out later. She gingerly swung her legs over the edge of the bed, letting her toes sweep along the cold cemented floor before lowering the pads of her feet to the ground. Being newer blemishes, the scars along the soles of her feet sent a tingling sensation shooting up her spine.</p>
      <p>She pulled the coat over her grown, the baggy black fabric fell shapelessly over her frame, ending abruptly at her knees, her gown just being slightly longer. The collar was high enough to cover her neck and throat and if she lowered her head slightly it would obscure her lips. <em>How Kakashi.</em></p>
      <p>"It's got a hood too… if you, you know, don't want…" He trailed off pointing to his own hair. Sakura pulled the hood over her face, enjoying the newfound anonymity before carefully padded across the cold hospital flooring on the balls of her feet and taking her seat in the wheelchair that was placed outside her door.</p>
      <p>Tension coiled in her shoulders as Kakashi hunched down to push the wheelchair, his breath fanning into the roots of her head. She shuddered. "Cold?" The pinkette shook her head, twisting her own fingers into tight fists, her nails digging into her fleshy palm.</p>
      <p>If Kakashi noticed her unease, he didn't comment on it and instead began steering the chair to the elevator. She turned her head and narrowed her eyes in a silent question. They were on the first floor of the hospital, there was no need for an elevator unless they were going…</p>
      <p><em>Up?</em> She mused to herself. <em>Probably smart. Limits escape routes.</em></p>
      <p>The silver doors slid shut enveloping them in the confined space and Kakashi respectfully took a step back and into a corner to negate some of her anxiety. She must have missed him pressing a button because the machine lurched and began ascending higher into the building until it slowed to a stop. The doors opened and a breeze instantly shifted into the space, dancing through roseate strands and assaulting her senses. She slid her hood down, inhaling deeply through her nose, eyes shutting momentarily.</p>
      <p>Sakura felt Kakashi's presence immediately behind her and her eyes snapped back open, the moment of peace and freedom easily gone with the dying wind.</p>
      <p>"It's peaceful up here." Kakashi muttered, pushing her out onto the flat roof that had the remnants of a forgotten meditation garden. He locked the chair in place in the middle of it before moving to take a seat on a moss covered bench, his elbows resting on his knees, hands dangling uselessly in front of him. Sakura remained silent in her spot, letting the warmth from the sun radiate through her. "I come here a lot. To escape." He paused as if she was going to provide a comment but she didn't, instead watching him intently. "Ironic, since I avoid the inside of the hospital like the plague." He chuckled softly to himself.</p>
      <p>"Sakura-chan? Tsunade says your vocal cords were repaired, but you still haven't talked. Can I ask why?" Sakura's gaze seemed to have shifted from looking at him, to through him, her eyes as unreadable as ever.</p>
      <p>As if coming out of a trance, her gaze refocused on his visible eye. She contemplated not answering him. It certainly would be easy to do but her silence wasn't earning her freedom anytime soon either. Resigned, she brought her hands up, palm down and shook them slightly.<em> Nervous.</em></p>
      <p>"For?" He was trying to encourage communication; it was something Dr. Riku had taught him that might be beneficial for her growth. And he was determined to do what he could to help her.</p>
      <p>Sakura sighed, obviously annoyed with this topic and mode of conversation. She had hoped this would be something he would drop, not try to drag out. It was tedious. Nonetheless she continued signing. One index finger tapped her ear before pulling away and spreading all her digits. <em>Sound.</em> Her index fingers crossed before pulling off in different directions.<em> Different.</em> After a moment, she brought her hands up again pressing her fingers together twice and twisting slightly. <em>Pain.</em></p>
      <p>"Ah but have you tried yet?"</p>
      <p>Her head shook, roseate locks brushing delicately over her shoulders.</p>
      <p>"Then how would you know if you sound different?" Sakura released an irritated exhale and she rolled her eyes as if that was the stupidest question she'd heard. "Just saying!" He pulled up his hands in mock surrender before bringing them back to hang limply.</p>
      <p>Kakashi let the conversation slide, as Sakura seemed to be almost content to let the fading sun wash over her anemic features. He almost missed the small upward curve of her lips.</p>
      <p>He liked to think it was because of him.</p>
      <p>X</p>
      <p><strong>Author's Note: </strong>Okay so I actually kind of love this chapter for many reasons.</p>
      <p>~Kakashi I've always felt in the anime to be emotionally lacking in depth and I'm not sure if this depth he has in this narrative is or would be accurate but it's how I'd imagine he'd feel and act after seeing a lost comrade returned. Determined to help, to make up for the guilt he's plagued with.</p>
      <p>~Personally, I've always found being outside and in the breeze to be freeing, physically and mentally, so I thought I'd translate that into this story by allowing it to be the means for which Kakashi and Sakura begin to spend time together.</p>
      <p>~I love the use of sign language by Sakura's character. You might go, well how would Kakashi know what she's saying? I imagine during times of silent infiltration hand signs would be the easiest to read so naturally sign language would be universally known in the Naruverse.</p>
      <p>~Also, I don't actually know sign language so I'm trying to learn as I go to give the most accurate representations of the gestures and I've obviously provided you with the meaning as well for fluidity.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies in advance for the shortness and sheer boringness of this chapter as well as the lateness in posting this. Some real life events have killed my desire to write, and so I can’t promise regular updates for the near future. I will do my best to provide you with the best story I can with the energy and motivation I have left. Please enjoy.</p><p>Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. </p><p>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON. </p><p>TRIGGER WARNING</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Whatever it was that drove his need to remain close to this particular kunoichi, he wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. It wasn’t an emotion or feeling that he could neatly catalog away in the recess of his mind. It didn’t quite fit in any of the usual molds and thus, coping with this feeling was more of an annoyance than usual. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He could probably tuck it under guilt; it’s where most things landed nowadays, but it didn’t quite feel like he had known it to feel. Even with the death of Rin and Obito (the first time), this just felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> and their circumstances were rather permanent. Maybe it was the decided lack of permanence that was complicating his emotions? Either way, it made Kakashi extremely uncomfortable. In a physical sense. Every glimpse of scar tissue caused a tightening in his chest cavity, not unlike he had experienced drowning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another month passed of dissecting, hypothesizing, and analyzing the inner workings of his mind did nothing to help him settle this overwhelming sense of, what he assumed to be, guilt. She’d recover, emotionally, and these feelings would settle into their rightful place in the back of his mind, of that he was certain. He’d just have to ride out the initial emotional outburst, and then he could go back to his stoic and nonchalant demeanor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Belatedly, he wondered when he had put this much mental energy in someone, even a former student and teammate. Kakashi wasn’t a stranger to death; he’d been entrenched with it from a young age with the passing of his father. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Suicide. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Well that brought up other frightening reactions from the generally stoic man. His keen eye had seen the evidence that Sakura had at least attempted to make a permanent exit from life. He’d seen shinobi of all standings crumble beneath the pressure of a self-inflicted kunai wound. Would she be counted in those numbers alongside his father?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The jonin shook his head from those disturbing thoughts. A calloused, well-worn hand ran through his silver locks as he glanced at the looming building ahead, unsettlingly white and cold in appearance. Tsunade had voiced her concern over the amount of time Kakashi had spent at the hospital, and he knew it was with good intentions that the blonde Godaime roped in the blonde Nanadaime to set him up with various ‘urgent’ C-rank missions. All turning out to be nothing short of mundane, predictable, genin-level assignments he could’ve completed in his sleep. The only good thing about them being all his restless energy collected during his visits to the hospital was released on deserving criminals. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He no longer bothered with the main entrance to the hospital, as the visiting hours were long passed and while he could easily slip past the guards, it was energy not worth dispensing for this. Taking the shinobi highway, straight up the white brick structure until he found her window, still bright. A frown settled across his lips beneath his mask. It was nearly three in the morning, a time where most rational people who weren’t required to be up, were down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Out of courtesy, he sent a small flare of his chakra about halfway up and he was pleasantly surprised when the window to her room slid open for his arrival. He continued his nonchalant pace, not wanting to appear too out of character despite whatever feelings were unsettling his mind. “Ah, Sakura-chan, you’re awake?” Though the inflection might have indicated he was asking a question, it was fairly pointless for him to ask as he could see the deep kohl rings below her eyes, and the slightly dulled, glazed over look in her eyes. He’d been out of the village for several days, hastily wrapping up his missions with unheard of efficiency (for him at least). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakura offered him a small twitch of her lips in what constituted a smile for her these days before turning and sitting on her bed. With no other skills to practice in the hospital, she had taken to honing her sensing abilities, and was quite pleased when she felt Kakashi’s presence nearing even before he so courteously ‘knocked’. She pressed all ten finger tips together before spreading her hands out in opposite directions. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Obviously.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course sleeping sounded so nice, but with her history of night terrors, she couldn’t bring herself to face her demons. It might have been more manageable had she been discharged, she could actually put to use some of her medical knowledge of how to properly take care of her mental and physical health. The council however had few reservations about keeping her under lock and key until her psychological profile could be deemed non-threatening. Her fists were, after all, licensed as weapons and could bring down whole buildings should the desire arise, and Yamato would probably not like being relegated to construction duty again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first thing she wanted to do was go for a run. And not just a jog. But a full-out sprint. Wind slipped past her body, legs burning, lungs desperately grasping for all the oxygen they could get. She wanted to run so fast and so far that her muscles would give out on her and she could just </span>
  <em>
    <span>exist. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What a strange thought to think. She could exist anywhere and anyhow, but she didn’t truly feel like she was here. This body she occupied was a shell, a ghost of what she once was. Sure, she existed, but she didn’t feel real at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi had settled himself into the usual lounger, looking ready to commit to sleep himself, but he dutifully and lazily gave her a goofy crescent eye smile. “I brought you a souvenir.” He rifled through his vest pockets before letting out an ‘ah’ and producing a small blue stone. Tossing it to her, she quickly plucked it from the air and looked down at the stone in the palm of her hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s Blue Lace Agate.” He clarified as he studied her perplexed features. The stone itself was rather beautiful, in a demure sort of way. It was perfectly oval in shape, thin and fit perfectly in the palm of her hand. Threads of soft baby blue, white, and tan ran through the stone in a wavy pattern that gave the appearance of waves swashing over the shoreline. Without prompting, he continued, seeing as she was still slightly confused. “It’s supposed to represent communication.” Jade eyes flickered up to him and then back to the stone that her fingers had subconsciously curled around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thin fingertips of her unoccupied hand reached up and pressed against her lips before lowering them in front of her flat. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thank you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi chose to ignore the fact that had unintentionally blown him a kiss. “Now, go to sleep.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>X</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No offense, Pinky, but could you possibly hurry up and bolt down your loose screws?” Genma slumped down into the lounger, his chin resting lazily on the palm of his hand, senbon jouncing in response to the movement of his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi sent a steely eyed glare at the projectile user who rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “It’s a Saturday night and instead of getting drunk and getting laid, I’m here. Sober. Practically revirginating as we speak.” Raido simply blinked, unfazed at his juvenile teammate’s rant and Kakashi sent another withering glare at the man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakura, for her part, watched the scene unfurl in front of her, a portion of herself bemused by the antics of the man who was clearly the male version of Yamanaka Ino, or well, the Ino she had known several years ago. She took Kakashi’s moment of distraction to let her gaze drift over her momentarily. He hadn’t much changed except the clear signs of lack of proper rest and nutrition. The hollows underneath his eyes seemed darker, and more concave than she’d previously seen and his posture was more kyphotic than was healthy for an active duty shinobi. She frowned at this observation. The rest of him was too covered for her to speculate about so she let the matter rest in her mind to dissect later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi’s gaze slid back to hers, their eyes clashing with an unspoken conversation, understood by years of camaraderie and training. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘You need to take better care of yourself.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Old dogs don’t do new tricks.’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi looked away, unable and unwilling to let her penetrating gaze beat him into developing healthy lifestyle choices this late in the game. He had come to several conclusions over the course of his lifetime, and one of those brilliant morsels was that he’d either die from a kunai or from a case of fatal self-neglect. Sakura wouldn’t be able to prevent either of those.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Genma, either unaware or uncaring, continued to mourn the loss of his evening companionship with some lucky, or unfortunate depending on who you ask, woman. Or two. Who knows what he missed out on with this assignment as he so dejectedly pointed out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakura sent one last silent look at Kakashi who had suddenly found interest in the ceiling before sending a glance in Genma’s direction. She’d spent the majority of her genin and chunin years as a burden and many years trying to overcome her weaknesses. To suddenly be one again was simply devastating. All of her well-earned muscles: gone. Her carefully honed chakra control: disrupted. She was essentially a genin again, skill wise, though she still retained the ANBU title. It would be a while before she’d be able to manifest and control her chakra as she once had, being cut off from it for so long. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Morosely, she wondered how long it would take to recuperate her skills and more internally, she wondered if she even really wanted to. The constant flashbacks and the nightmares would make overnight missions nearly impossible as her mind would be heavily distracted. In the end, she’d likely just contribute to the death of whatever team she was on. But then again, if she wasn’t a kunoichi, what other skills did she possess? Perhaps she could utilize her medical training, but then again, with Tsunade and Shizune at the head of the hospital, there really was no great </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> for her to be there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Sakura let out a wistful sigh, looking out the window to the incoming grey mass of rain. She had always loved the rain, how it wiped things clean and allowed for things to flourish in its wake. The pinkette could only hope that she was one of those things. Her emerald gaze settled on her scars. Alas, there were some things the rain could never fully take away. </span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A knock at the door drew the attention of the room’s occupants and four sets of eyes turned to the ajar door framing the pleasant form of Inoichi Yamanaka. “Ah, Sakura-san, it’s good to see you’re awake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A manicured eyebrow (courtesy of Ino) raised slightly. It was a Saturday afternoon, and as far as she knew their meetings had been reduced to Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday due to lack of objective success of their appointments. Without gaining access to her dangerous mindscape, and with her reluctance to speak or communicate more than a few words, progress was non-existent. What she had going for her, was her outward passivity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Naruto told me to apologize for his absence. The elders are busy monopolizing his time on budget meetings and he didn’t want to hold off on the good news.” Genma leaned forward with child-like excitement rippling off his body.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Naruto has decided that you’ve been sequestered away for long enough and you’ve made sufficient progress to ensure public safety.” Genma was on his feet, practically shaking with the hope of escape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s assigned you to the jonin barracks as your previous living quarters are unavailable. Unfortunately, the ANBU detail will remain, at the behest of the council, at least for a few more weeks.” The senbon user slumped back down into his chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll of course be given more freedoms now, such as access to training grounds, should you feel the desire to utilize them; however, possession of weapons outside of the training grounds will be grounds for reduction of that privilege.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geez, just tell her what she can do already.” Genma grumbled, barely loud enough to be heard but was caught clearly by Inoichi. The blonde merely smiled at the eccentric ANBU member before turning back to the topic of conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Essentially, you can go and do as you please, just without weapons.” A fatherly smile plastered on his face, he observed for any outward reactions. The kunoichi seemed neither pleased, nor especially displeased, over the news meaning giving a brief nod in acknowledgement. “Lady Tsunade will be by within the next few days for a final check up and pending that, your discharge is planned for next Friday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi blinked stupidly. Sure, she had been awake and in the hospital for nearly two months now, but she was still leagues from being okay, mentally that is. Physically, she was probably just fine. His visible eye lazily glanced over to the pinkette in the bed: nothing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to have sprung this on you so suddenly, but Naruto insisted this couldn’t wait. You know how he can be.” The older blonde shinobi smiled that fatherly smile of his, bright and warm, an attribute that no doubt helped in his current field.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakura nodded in response, taking a moment to observe the flabbergasted silence that Kakashi had stilled into. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s a few other details to work out, your finances, and possessions and all that but we’ll talk about that at our next session. I don’t want to completely overwhelm you all at once with the finer points.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At last, Kakashi seemed to find his voice. “You mentioned Naruto spearheading this multiple times…” His eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What says the professionals?”</span>
  <span></span><br/>

  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Ah.” Inoichi let out an uncomfortable chuckle, taking a nervous half-step towards the door. “Well, Dr. Riku and I have discussed it at length and while we are hesitant, we are comfortable with the decision the Nanadaime Hokage has made.” Nobody missed the caution with which the shinobi spoke. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kakashi raised a silvery eyebrow but said nothing. Far be it for him to question the decisions of his Hokage, though internally, he was very unsettled over the quick progression of her recovery. Though, it would mean that he could keep an eye out of the kunoichi easier without himself being stuck in some antiseptic-reeking, white-walled prison.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Author’s Note: This chapter was a little difficult to write, in that I just am not feeling it, but I needed it for the progression of the story. I can’t very well keep the poor kunoichi trapped in the Hospital forever, now can I? I have a vague plan of action. I tend to write better without a clear objective in mind. </p><p>Anyways, would love to know what you think about the story, and if you have anything you particularly don’t like or think needs explaining, please let me know. It’s the only way I’ll be able to improve my writing and make sure all the plot holes are covered adequately. I’ll probably end up editing the crap out of this chapter in the future but I don’t have the energy right now. This is the third rewrite for this chapter I’ve done already.</p><p>I’ve been trying to stick to what I feel are typical reactions for both the situation and for the characters without making them too out-of-character; however, from here on out, the characters are going to diverge more and more from ‘normal’.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sakura stood, stilled in the doorway looking out on the street as she had been for hours. Patients and healthcare workers streamed in and out around her unmoving form, paying little attention to the inner war she waged with herself. It was the little things she was taking in just now. The simple freedom of being able to walk in and out of a door, the comfort of watching civilians live in complete obliviosity, the familiarity of the streets laid out beyond this clear glass door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why was it so hard to walk out that door? She knew, deep down, that she was afraid the fragile, beautiful image surrounding her would shatter into a million pieces. That despite months of mental strengthening and secretly whispering ‘Kai’, morning and night, it was all just a cruel lie. Or maybe that it was inevitably going to be taken from her once more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A familiar presence appeared in front of her, a sad little half-smile evident in his single coal eye. “Today’s the day, ey?” His head was cocked to the side slightly, giving him a boyish charm that Sakura had never fully appreciated until recent. It was one of the things she had come to appreciate about her former teammate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her bubblegum pink head bobbed in assent, but her feet never moved, and neither did his. She wasn’t sure how long they stood together, watching the doors open and close, people flowing in and out like waves of an ever-churning ocean. She took a calming breath in, taking in the antiseptic smell that was tinted with hints of teakwood and something softer she couldn’t quite place. Another thing to appreciate about Kakashi was his scent, apparently. It was subtle but comforting. Why hadn’t she noticed it before now? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her lips turned down, her gaze becoming less focused as her thoughts turned more inward and reflective. So caught was she in the trap of her mind, that when a warm hand pressed against the lower curve of her back, she flinched quite hard and immediately recoiled. Her gaze snapped to the man who was now at her side having moved her out of the way of a gurney carrying a bloodied body. </span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her skin felt like it was on fire, radiating from her lower back through her entire body sending every nerve into a screaming frenzy. Her breathing turned irregular into little pants as she struggled to overcome the overwhelming urge to ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>run, run, run!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>that coursed through her body. Kakashi glanced in her direction, sensing her panic and immediately dropped his hand from the small of her back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi’s mouth dropped open, ready to apologize for his apparently unwelcome touch but she was on the move, a pace that was above a walk but less than a jog. He debated extensively inwardly if he should follow, or if he should let her be, but his concern inundated whatever logic there was in leaving her alone and he quickly bound after her, making sure to keep a reasonable distance between the two. He vaguely felt the presence of her two ANBU guards some ways away, likely giving her the illusion of privacy if nothing else. They wouldn’t interfere, he knew. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And so he followed, as she weaved through back streets and byways with an ease that would have an alleycat jealous. Her movements, though frantic and impulsive, still retained the graceful tint of a seasoned kunoichi. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where the hell is she even going? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where the hell am I even going?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vaguely, in the back of her mind, she knew she was being tailed by her ANBU guards, and Kakashi’s comforting scent was still in her periphery. Suddenly, things just seemed too close and closing in fast. Every thud of her heart jumped into her throat, suffocating her. Her eyes widened, breathing coming out in strangled gasps. Despite the chill that ran up her spine, she could feel the beads of sweat forming at the back of her neck. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Objectively, she knew she was experiencing a panic attack and the clinical means for controlling them, but in this moment, all of her knowledge was meaningless. She knew she should control her breathing, count the seconds for her breaths, slow down and confront the feeling but running from it all just seemed like the best idea at the time. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the streets turned more and more deserted, her pace began to pick up until she was in a dead sprint heading towards a thick patch of training ground forest. She didn’t stop as she broke through the first line of trees, or when her foot slid forward unexpectedly upon running through a slick patch of muddied ground. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sakura, stop!” Kakashi’s voice cut through her inner turmoil, and for half a second, her body hesitated before doubling its efforts to keep moving forward. Logic told her to stop. She really should because now her body was protesting for legitimate physical reasons and not just psychologically induced reasons.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sakura!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A flash of silver appeared in her peripheral vision and then suddenly, he was in front of her, standing still while her momentum carried her forward uncontrollably. Kakashi braced for impact but at the last second, he saw her eyes widen and her body twisted around him before careening into a tree. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The bark snagged at her cloak and she ignored the small ache in her lower back from the impact. Had she been using chakra and been going much faster, the impact would have been more than just the annoyance it was now. Sakura allowed her body to slide down, her bottom resting on an exposed root. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sakura.” He was in front of her now, ten feet away and squatting low, elbows on knees with his hands dangling uselessly between his legs. Sakura clenched her eyes closed, unwilling to let her emotions be betrayed by her emerald eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sakura, look at me.” Kakashi’s voice was even and calm. He wasn’t even out of breath. For a moment, Sakura was jealous of his lack of apparent exertion before schooling herself quickly. Of course he would be in better shape than her. It was to be expected. “Sakura…” His tone softened, barely audible over the hum of cicadas and chirping of birds. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The pinkette willed her breathing to slow and her body to stop trembling before coaxing her eyelids up to look into both of Kakashi’s eyes. When had he even pulled his headband up? She’d always thought the crimson red Sharingan was the color of blood, but today it seemed like there were more dimensions amongst the colors. There were darkened gold streaks around the outer edge of his iris with russet flecks scattered throughout. It was odd, she never really noticed that before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cicadas hum rose to a crescendo before lulling momentarily. She blinked suddenly, drawing herself out from the lure of the Sharingan. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Again, his tone was so soft, she barely registered he was saying words. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I should have realized you wouldn’t appreciate being touched.” His hand reached up to run through his hair. A nervous habit that was so hard to break. The silence enveloped them. Kakashi didn’t have the right words to tell her to make things better and Sakura just didn’t have words.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He waited until her breathing leveled, and the random spikes of adrenaline fueled chakra died down before rising to his feet, taking a few steps back so he wasn’t towering over her. “We should get you back to your new place though before it gets too dark and you can clean up.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura was thankful that he had stepped away from her trembling form. Her body had reacted to his touch on pure survival instinct even if her logical side was telling her it was Kakashi, her mentor, her captain, her teammate, someone she innately trusted with her life. She hadn’t cried, but she could feel the sting of salt in her waterline and cursed herself inwardly for her display of unbridled weakness. Her eyes drifted down to her clothes, slightly tattered and muddied from her wild sprint before letting out an exhausted sigh. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Emotions were draining, even a short outburst of them, and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on a futon and sleep, even with the prospect of facing some unpleasant memories. Without much ceremony, she stood on her shaky legs, unused to the limits of her current body and her knees nearly buckled with the strain. Kakashi flinched as he fought his natural response to collect her before she fell, but let her steady herself against a tree before joining him at his side for the short journey to the barracks.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The silence was… awkward, but Sakura wasn’t going to be the one to break it, so Kakashi took on the burden of alleviating the tensions, or attempting. “I have some old clothes that you can borrow while you get those cleaned.” His eyes drifting to her slightly hunched form as they neared their destination. Kakashi had never felt the need to pay substantially more for an apartment out of the shinobi district so he too resided in the jonin barracks. After all, he was infamous as a lazy cheapskate and moving was both tiresome and costly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And now, his lodgings gave him another excuse to be close to the seemingly fragile kunoichi which he was still debating on whether this was a good idea or a selfish one. She had a way of making his heart beat harder and while he had a heavy reason to believe it was a heavy dose of guilt making his insides drop every time he saw her, but there was always the slim possibility he felt more. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kakashi chastised himself. There were lines, clearly marked, drawn in bold, red characters and that was one of them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their yellow building loomed ahead, most of the lights were out in the building giving it a distinct deserted vibe and he could sense more tension building inside his kunoichi. “Ah, the boys are gonna be excited to see you again. It’s been a while.” Sakura nodded, though the movement was wasted on Kakashi as he was leading. “Bull retired. Shortly after you… well, were gone.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, Hatake, way to add to the tension.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “Shiba and Uhei joined the Inuzuka Breeder Program, so they’re rarely around. You’ll notice a few new faces here for training.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He kept talking about the hounds as they wound up three flights of stairs, and down the long stretch of hall to his apartment. Under normal circumstances, he would’ve used ‘shinobi highway’ and walked up the wall to his little terrace, but he had no way of knowing if Sakura would be able to manipulate her chakra like that at this moment. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His hand rummaged around his green flak jacket, finally finding the little jagged silver key that had found its way in the bottom of the deep pocket. His eye crinkled in mock embarrassment as he turned his head slightly to his pink-haired companion as he unlocked the door. Behind the wood, soft thuds could be heard and he knew the ninken could sense Sakura’s presence. He just hoped they would behave themselves for once. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Apparently, he didn’t need to worry. As the door swung open, his eyes shot across the room. A majority of the ninken were lounging throughout the small apartment, all with the exception of Pakkun and Bull. The small brown pug had taken up residence on his kitchen counter and the massive bull mastiff had planted his large self firmly at the door, staring at him with unnervingly deep, black eyes. Of all his ninken, Bull had taken Sakura’s death the worst for whatever reason, and Kakashi suspected it had something to do with his retirement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yo, Boss-man.” Pakkun greeted. “Boss-lady.” He dipped his head at the two humans in greeting. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yo.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Since when did he call Sakura, Boss-lady? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kakashi slipped around the larger dog’s unmoving body, moving deeper into the apartment and leaving Sakura in the doorway. He wouldn’t be long to gather the old clothes and escort her back down to her new place. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura peered down at the solid mass of ninken curiously. Bull had always secretly been her favorite of all of Kakashi’s partners. He looked up at her with an unspoken question gleaming in his eyes as he shuffled forward slightly, while still managing to stay seated. The pinkette’s lips twitched upward as she silently answered his question. Slowly, her hand moved forward, turning so the palm faced outward to the ninken. Warm breath washed over the sensitive skin of her scarred palm before being replaced by a cold nose pushing into her palm, followed by his fur covered head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That’s how Kakashi found them when he emerged from his room. Heat spread through his chest unexpectedly catching the man off guard. What was that anyways? It felt… nice to see her slight half-smile, like she wasn’t just the shadow of her old self. And then, she looked up at him. Her smile widened fractionally, all caught and memorized by his Sharingan eye. There was that heat again, budding inside his chest, overwhelming his senses. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He opened his mouth to say something clever, but the words never manifested. He blinked stupidly at her before trying to regain his composure. “Um, let’s get you to your place. I’m sure you’re wanting to get settled in.” The smile dimmed ever so slightly, but it was still there, and it was directed at </span>
  <em>
    <span>him </span>
  </em>
  <span>and she nodded her assent. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She turned away, giving him a view of her backside as she glided towards the stairway. Her apartment was a floor below his, which was fortunate for him. Not for any perverse reason, but it did mean it would satisfy that itch inside himself to be close enough to keep an eye on the woman. He followed her absently, noting with mild surprise that Bull had followed at her heels like a hulking shadow. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Interesting…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<ol>
<li><span>Kakashi made a mental note of her room number, not that he didn’t have other ways of identifying her space, but it was always nice information to have stored away. He paused several lengths behind her, careful not to crowd her space, as she pulled out her issued bronze key and opened the apartment. </span></li>
</ol>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The air that seeped into the hallways smelled extremely stale to his sensitive nose, but he said nothing as the kunoichi strode into her new apartment, immediately moving to the windows to air the place out. He was grateful for that, not that he intended to stay for long. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she turned towards him, and consequently Bull, her face was carefully arranged in a blank mask. “Ah, I’ll just leave these with you.” He shifted the bundle of clothes in his arms before settling them on the kitchen counter. It was a standard jonin studio apartment, designed for the ‘unattached’ shinobi. “We’ll let you get settled in. You know where to find me if you need me.” He gave a light-hearted crinkly-eyed smile, though inwardly he was reluctant to just leave her side. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on Bull.” He called as he turned and began walking to the exit only to pause at the lack of his canine companion at his side. Peering back over his shoulder he observed with veiled contentment that the large ninken had taken residence at Sakura’s side, unwilling to budge from his new post. “Hm.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sakura glanced down at the mastiff before raising her emerald gaze to Kakashi’s thoughtful gaze. Her mouth fell open, and if it wasn’t for her trepidation of speaking, she might have said something but instead she allowed her lips to move, trusting Kakashi to read her lips. ‘He can stay.’ </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She had caught him off guard, she knew, because his form was so still one might have thought he was caught in a Nara jutsu and he blinked confusedly before quickly recovering with another eye-smile. “Of course. Good night, Sakura-chan.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A small plume of smoke was all that signified his retreat. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for your patience! I hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a little short but I'd rather put out something than nothing at this point.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here goes! This chapter sort of just came to me in a moment of inspiration and instead of mulling it over a few days and editing it to my satisfaction, I’m just gonna release it to the wild. Apologies if the grammar or flow seems off, I just don’t care to reread it and potentially start to hate it, when I’ve fallen in love with what I had written.</p><p>Would love to hear your thoughts!</p><p>WARNING: DESCRIPTIONS OF TORTURE, HINTS AT RAPE, PTSD, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. RATED M FOR A REASON.</p><p>TRIGGER WARNING</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ah, of the simple comforts a well-worn shinobi bar could provide, cheap sake was at the top of Kakashi’s list, besides of course a female companion. But alas, it being nearly noon had it’s disadvantages. With nothing to occupy his mind, his thoughts rapidly returned to his pink-haired kunoichi.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kakashi had seen neither hide nor hair of his little pink-haired kunoichi for two weeks now, and to say he was worried was an understatement. Rationally, he knew he shouldn’t be, as Bull was at her side, but that thought didn’t even begin to scratch the itch inside his skull to </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> her. Would it be strange for him to show up at her doorstep? Probably. They hadn’t yet talked about the circumstances of her disappearance. Hell, she hadn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>talked</span>
  </em>
  <span> period. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips turned downward as they were pressed into the edge of his cup, the odor from the liquor assaulting his sensitive nose. Not that he cared for his own discomfort at this time. Would she ever trust him again? Likely not, he concluded. He had failed her many, many times and with his luck, he would just disappoint her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The more he drank, the more reckless his thoughts regarding the kunoichi became and the less he cared for proper social protocols. Kakashi needed to scratch the itch that had been magnified under his drunken state. Abruptly, he stood, scrapping the wooden chair against the flooring earning him a glance from the barkeep who merely nodded at the ryo that was flung onto the countertop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely managed to get to the door before it was brutishly shoved open and the slug-sannin herself stalked inside, grabbing him by his jonin vest and tugging him towards a secluded booth. In his drunken haze, he let himself be manhandled, wisely opting not to have his every bone broken and reset by his commander. Especially when she was in a foul mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hatake.” She grumbled, snapping her fingers to the bartender who hurriedly brought a chilled bottle of top-shelf sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsunade-sama.” He hoped his words weren’t as slurred as they had sounded to his own ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You love her.” The blonde raised the bottle to her lips, disregarding the two sake cups the bartender had provided, the whole while, her honey colored eyes never leaving his face. Kakashi blinked slowly, his mask hiding the slight part of his mouth as he tried to comprehend her words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sakura, you love her.” She repeated, slamming the bottle on the table. She knew Kakashi was drunk, which was why this was the perfect opportunity to corner him into the truth. “Don’t deny it.” She added, sliding the bottle to her new drinking partner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kakashi remained silent as he reached for the bottle and pressed it against his clothed lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve seen how you grieved for her death, how broken you were. She nearly destroyed you.” She chuckled, though there was no humor behind it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sakura was my student and my teammate.” Kakashi stated needlessly. He couldn’t deny he felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>things</span>
  </em>
  <span> for her, though something as strong as </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> had not even crossed his mind. And now, his inebriated thoughts were running wild with this new possibility. Did he love her? Could he even love at all? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tsunade hummed a small agreement to his statement. Her sharp eyes watched his heavy gulps of the smooth sake, greasing his wheels even further. “Do you want to know when I knew?” Her grin was feral, like a Cheshire cat with a mouse dangling from its’ paws. Kakashi wisely said nothing, pushing the bottle towards it’s rightful owner. “When you were partners in ANBU, one day I saw you both walking down the streets… You looked happy, Kakashi. You both did.” Kakashi froze. “You both deserve to be happy, you know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The former Hokage’s grin sobered slightly and she took a manly swig of the sake, ignoring the exasperation from the barkeeper over the duo’s lack of decorum in regards to the expensive drink. “Think about it Kakashi.” She left the half-drank bottle on the table (and the bill) with Kakashi and disappeared out of the establishment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, no, no. He did </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to think about it. But she planted the thought and it had taken root and entangled every corner of his mind. All his memories contained glimpses of </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> and now they were all tainted with the question of ‘what if’. His hand reached absently to the bottle neck, his body instinctively working to find a remedy to those pesky things called emotions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How, or rather when, he had reached the front door to </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> apartment, he had honestly no idea. His body was in an alcohol-induced autopilot and it had brought him here. It was a terrible idea. He should leave and attempt contact at a later point. Perhaps when he was sober and perhaps when the slug-sannin’s suggestions weren’t so freshly sloshing around in his skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened, the pinkette in question standing silently in the doorway, watching him cautiously with raised eyebrows. She must have sensed his chakra signature hovering there. If this wasn’t bordering on pathetic, he didn’t know what was. Her lithe frame stepped to the side and he walked past her into the small living room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She must have smelled the alcohol on him, but she didn’t comment, or rather she wouldn’t. Couldn’t? His sloshed mind couldn’t even give him an answer. Had she spoken with Ino yet? Or Naruto? Oh Kami, had she spoken with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tsunade</span>
  </em>
  <span>? He wasn’t even sure how </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>felt and he prayed Tsunade kept her suspicions to herself. Oh that woman would have a field day with the knowledge that he had shown up, intoxicated of all things, in her apartment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look well.” He felt like absolute shit, the walls swaying around him and gravity pulling at his shoulders. This time, he knew he was slurring his words. He stared at her, drinking in her appearance. She really did look better. Her frame had filled out even more, though the muscles were still not as defined beneath her skin. Where her skin was once translucent, it now took on a healthier creamy sheen, for which he was glad for, though the color made her scars more pronounced in comparison. Everything about her radiated with a healthy glow, from her skin, to her hair, and even her viridian eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop staring, Hatake. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He blinked stupidly instead. Bull materialized out of thin air, pushing hard enough against his legs to make him stumble backwards and into the couch. He glared at the ninken who ignored the look to trot over to the kunoichi, who had shut the door and busied herself in the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a comfortable sort of quiet that overtook the apartment. Kakashi simply watched her silently complete tasks around the kitchen. Every once in a while she would turn, make eye contact before returning to whatever it was that she was doing. He barely even registered the savory smell that wafted through the apartment, his senses clinging to the smell that was so very </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sakura</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was painful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed his visible eye, leaning his gray head against the back of the couch to let gravity pull him deeper and deeper into the plush couch. Hopefully it would engulf him entirely and he could be spared from feeling things. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was not to be. He felt something warm brush against his shoulder, lightly nudging him with no real force behind it. Had he fallen asleep? Likely. His stomach gurgled and he cracked open his eye, turning his still resting head towards the side. Sluggishly, his exposed eye creased, and crinkled into his signature ‘happy face’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His silent couch partner sighed, bringing a steaming plate of rice and curry underneath his nose. Oh how delicious it smelled, though the thought of eating made his stomach turn sour. “Ma, ma, Sakura-chan, you spoil me.” He rasped, throat not quite unaffected by the burn of alcohol.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A small smile cracked at the kunoichi’s lips and he quickly found the plate abandoned in his lap as the woman retreated once more to the kitchen. He appreciated the fact that she still allowed him the privacy of his mask, even with knowing the intricacies of his face intimately. They were perfect partners, each with their particular complementing strength and weakness. She could still, after all this time, read him like an open book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He chose to savor this meal, partially because his stomach wouldn’t tolerate a scarfing at the moment, and because her cooking really was quite enjoyable. Don’t get him wrong, she wasn’t winning awards for her culinary excellence anytime soon. More times than not, her cooking contained a hint of char but it was not an unwelcome taste for him, not anymore. Said woman kept her back to him for the entirety of the meal, eating her own meal at the table in silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With his plate sufficiently empty and his stomach almost irritatingly full, the silver-haired man brought his plate to the sink politely. Let it not be known that Kakashi, for all the smut he read in public, was not a gentleman. He turned to regard the kunoichi as he leaned against the sink. He watched her mechanically raise the fork to her mouth, precisely three chews per bite, followed by a swallow. Every five bites followed an almost compulsive sip of water.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never noticed this particular pattern to her eating before and it made his lips pull down into a frown. Kakashi folded his arms over her chest, and began to watch her more closely now that the alcohol haze was lifting from his senses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even indoors she wore a long sleeved, cowl turtleneck, hiding most of her skin beneath layers of black and long black sweatpants complete with socks. Save for her face and fingertips, every inch of her was carefully concealed. A quick glance at her apartment revealed nothing, though he did notice the blankness of the canvas. Her hand hovered around her water glass, her viridian gaze snapping up to his observant midnight black eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What should he even say? He cleared his throat, considerately covering his mouth with a closed fist, buying himself a few extra seconds to come up with something to say. “Bathroom?” He jerked a thumb to a closed door that housed the washroom and the kunoichi nodded needlessly. They lived in the same apartments, with identical floor plans. Of course it was the bathroom. Pushing off the countertop, he made a few less-than-graceful strides to the bathroom, cursing his utter stupidity to day-drink himself into such a state. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Smooth move, Hatake. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He turned the handle to the faucet to the coldest setting, letting the water splash inside the basin for a few seconds before leaning down to push his face under the stream. He sputtered a second against the frigidity of the water before leaning back and taking a handful of water in the palm of his hand and gulping it down. He needed to sober up, fast, before he did something incredibly stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kakashi slammed the handle into the off position, stretching up to his full height to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Only to find, there was no mirror. There had been, at one time, judging from the discolorations in the wall. He frowned. Regardless of her scars, she was and always would be an attractive and accomplished kunoichi, in his opinion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His sharpened hearing could hear her chair scraping against the flooring and dishes clattering in the ceramic sink followed by a few slow, hesitant steps in his direction. He supposed he had been wallowing and lost track of time. The footsteps started in his direction again but he beat their owner to the door, swinging it open with a little comedic flair and a sheepish grin. “Sorry about that Sakura-chan. All free.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jade eyes blinked blearily in his direction before flickering over to the couch. She perched carefully at one end and turned on her television, immediately flickering through a few channels before landing on her desired program. Her sharp gaze landed back on him, expectantly and she nodded her head to the other end of the couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not willing to question it, least this moment of proximity ends, he silently took his seat obediently and watched the droning of some trashy medical mystery civilian TV show Sakura had turned on. His one visible eye stealthily slid to the side and he watched as she swayed slightly, her body betraying her exhaustion. It was only then that he noticed the dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point, he must have dozed back off until an alarm went off from the show, jolting him back to consciousness, stiffening in reflex. He relaxed, secure in the knowledge of his location and his companion. Speaking of whom had not reacted to the noise but seemed to have stretched, almost like a feline over the majority of the sofa with her toes barely brushing the outside of his thigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no telling how she’d feel about his presence in the morning. He gave it 50/50 odds that she’d either be rightfully upset at finding them so close (the incident at the hospital being a factor) or would be slightly comforted he had stayed for her. Kakashi tried to shift into a more comfortable position, but the pinkette stirred at his movement so he froze before settling back down into his spot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Already the ache in the curvature of his spine was beginning to become more troublesome, though the prospect of disrupting his couch partner was more than enough to keep him firmly rooted to the cushion. It would be a long night for his poor, old body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Morning came much too soon, and much too brightly for his personal liking. The windows, void of covering, let the effulgent morning ray flood into the living room and he groaned with the alcohol-generated headache. Sake was certainly a poor life decision. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A brief ruffling of fabric drew his eye back to the kunoichi, who seemed unperturbed by the lighting and merely snuggled deeper into the couch. At first glance, she looked almost serene. Her lips parted, ever so slightly, legs and arms devoid of the tension and caution that she held herself in constantly nowadays. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kakashi stretched, the vertebrae in his back popping with the slight strain and his other stiffened joints following suit as he carefully shifted his way off the couch. He should leave. He really, </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>should leave. It hadn’t been his brightest idea to come here last night in the first place, allowing her to see him so disgustingly </span>
  <em>
    <span>broken</span>
  </em>
  <span>, nor was it his intention to stay the entire time either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he moved towards the door, the jonin quietly gathered his worn sandals before attempting to turn the handle to the door, but something stopped him. A rustle, followed by a squeaking couch spring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-kashi?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My lord, I love a good emotionally-stunted Kakashi moment. Initially when I started this story, I was going to have Kakashi naturally develop these intimate feelings for Sakura, but the more I wrote, the more I felt like he’s the kind of man that doesn’t necessarily know what he feels and has to be told it. Okay, hear me out. He’s a bookworm and more often than not, things are quite literally spelled out for him so I feel like this just makes sense. And who better to break the news to him, than a blunt, slightly intoxicated Tsunade?</p><p>Anyways, that’s my take on how things are progressing and yes, I did finally decide to make Sakura talk. I thought about so many ways this next morning should progress and this just feels right. Like poor Kakashi deserves this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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